How the Joy of Cooking taught me the joy of cooking for others

The Joy of Cooking and a freshly baked galette.

When I graduated from college, a family member bought me some of her favorite kitchen essentials for my new home: three sturdy casserole dishes and two classic cookbooks. 

At the time, I’m ashamed to admit, I wasn’t very appreciative of the gifts, as I didn’t really enjoy cooking and bristled at the expectation that I should. But decades later, her thoughtful gifts are not only still in my kitchen, they have become beloved members of my household.

The dishes, permanently stained from countless meals, are still used every week, and one of the books, the Joy of Cooking, is a trusted friend whose recipes have helped me make delicious food for more than 25 years.  

And it all began when my husband opened it one day to help him roast a chicken.

That was cool.

Because the simple-yet-perfect instructions for cooking a whole chicken with only butter and salt created such delicious results, my husband began turning to the book for many more meals. 

And while I don’t remember how many recipes my husband used from the book before I tried my first, I do remember which one it was: Beef stew, which I cooked for us one Christmas Eve.

1. Beef Stew, page 669

Of course there were a few more steps involved in making stew than roasting a chicken, much more than a lazy cook like me would like, but again the results were so delicious they made all the work well worth it — and turned my making beef stew on Christmas Eve into our new holiday tradition.

And while I can’t cook the stew in one of the casserole dishes that Sharon gave me with the book, I do cook them in another gift from a family member:  A Dutch oven my father-in-law gave us one year for Christmas. 

2. Scottish Shortbread, page 820

After such great success with the stew, I next tried a dessert, which I must admit I chose just for me: shortbread cookies, which remind me of the cookies my mother would bake — Russian Tea Cakes, which are also delightful mounds of mostly butter, sugar and flour. 

But my mother didn’t make them very often, and when she did they were for her co-workers, because she did not allow her daughters to eat much sugar. So since I still vividly remember standing in a kitchen suddenly full of glorious smells and gazing longingly at those freshly baked cookies I could only eat one or two of, it gave me great pleasure knowing I could eat as much of that buttery Scottish shortbread as I wanted when I made my first batch.

Yet soon I got even more pleasure out of making the cookies for someone else. On a whim I made some for my boss, who not only said afterward that “shortbread cookies are one of my most favorite things ever,” but that the ones I made were particularly delicious — thanks again of course to the Joy of Cooking, which advises adding some rice flour to give the cookies a more delightfully crumbly texture.

So years later when her husband died, I knew exactly what to give my boss, who again sent me a nice note afterward to say that the cookies had come at a perfect time, because she was having a friend over for tea. I smiled knowing she would be having company to enjoy the cookies with, but also smiled knowing that the book had helped me finally find a satisfying way to connect with people that didn’t leave them confused and me cringing.

Usually, my attempts at casual affection turn into an awkward dance that leaves us both uncomfortable, but with cooking I could offer friendly love to other humans without feeling like an alien — yet another way the Joy of Cooking gave me joy. 

3. Basic Pizza Dough, page 752

Now with complete trust in the book, I decided to finally attempt a recipe I had wanted to make for my husband for years: pizza dough. 

Though I had learned to roll out dough like an expert thanks to my years working at a pizza place after high school, I was too intimidated to make my own dough because all my prior attempts at yeast bread were miserable failures.

But of course, the first dough I made with the Joy of Cooking was a complete success, giving me the satisfaction of making one of my husband’s favorite meals, and reliving one of my favorite work memories: The mornings I spent alone in the restaurant rolling out dough with only the radio for company.

Thanks to that cookbook, I could have those moments again in my own home, magnified by the joy of making something I knew would give my husband joy. And, to my surprise, I still enjoy making that pizza now, even though I can no longer eat it after discovering I am allergic to wheat.

But, again, the book helped me change — from a person who bakes a batch of cookies that she wants to eat every bite of, to one who gets even more joy from making a pizza she won’t even eat one bite of.

4.  Galette, page 882, with cornmeal flaky pastry dough, page 864

But the recipe that inspired the most surprising — heck, downright miraculous — changes in me was something I never heard of until the Joy of Cooking: a galette. 

I first made a galette, frankly, because it seemed much easier than a pie since there is only one crust, but it quickly became my favorite dessert to make, especially an apple galette with the “cornmeal flaky pastry dough.”

Not only full of butter like the shortbread cookies, it features cornmeal, so it is especially easy and tasty to make without wheat. But the best part about the galette is how it improved my most complicated family relationship.

Like many (dare I say most?) married women, I have a fraught relationship with my mother-in-law, whom I frankly have struggled to form warm feelings for that are separate from the love I feel for her son.

But her appreciation for the galettes is so complete, they began creating those warm feelings for me each time I baked one. Since I make them without much sugar and even without much fruit, most people don’t consider them the ideal dessert. 

To another family member, they were so dry I bought her ice cream to eat it with, but my mother-in-law loves the galettes just as I make them.

So last weekend when I stopped by with a galette still warm from the oven, she opened the foil and started eating it immediately with her hands. And watching her sigh and sing with unabashed joy as she ate my baking — yes, that gave me joy, too.

And that was very cool.

Also cool: I still have the large Pyrex bowl and handheld mixer my mother used to make cookies with, and I love using them both to bake. You can see them in the video below:

My Grandmother’s Journals: November, 1998

Welcome to the world of a frugal, persnickety and extremely independent woman in her 80s: Every day my grandmother wrote down when she woke, what she had for breakfast, any movie she went to see, any mail and calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before bed.

That was cool. Because I love reading her journals!

 

In 1998, she turned 83 while living alone in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif. I never perceived her as lonely, though, because I never knew her to live with another person or even a pet after she raised my mother on her own in Los Angeles in the 1940s and 50s. (I wrote more about her life in this post.) 

November of 1998 was a pretty slow month for grandma. She wasn’t planning any trips, as we had just gotten back from New York, and was mostly watching football and tracking her blood pressure, which was already high due to her diet, and got even higher that month as she fumed over the Starr report on President Clinton, whom she liked.

October entries.

Sunday, Nov. 1, 1998

Breakfast Kmart.

Talked to Myra, Dottie moving to senior complex in Paso Robles.

There was a plumbing problem!

Lois at Kmart. Oscar worse.

Got lamp at Kmart. $19.99 (20% off) 

To Ross, same jogger suit there as Dottie got.

Football: Green Bay over 49ers, 36-22.

TV: Siskel & Ebert, no 60 Minutes.

Monday, Nov. 2, 1998

11 a.m. tune-up at Goodyear. Ask for spark plugs.

Longs, Xerox. Got tissue, Corn Flakes.

To Goodyear. Horn worked then, not later.

Home 2 p.m. Message from Margaret re water.

Read papers. 

TV: Matlock.

Football: part of Dallas vs. Phila. Deion ran punt back for TD.

Taped “Cats” and “Becker,” new Ted Danson show.

Tuesday, Nov. 3, 1998

Vote.

To Longs. TP, stew.

To Ross, tried on for 1 hour!

Home, lunch. 2 p.m. Murder She Wrote.

Watched part of “Cats,” up til 12:30.

Watched Nightline for Election returns.

Wednesday, Nov. 4, 1998

Margaret foned. Water off.

Checked at 10, water on. I showered, then off again.

Drug Emporium for BP, got vitamins.

Read paper. Kmart for lunch.

TV: Geraldo, Jim Lehrer.

Goofed on taping second part of  “Respected Trade.”

Bed 9 p.m., no sleep til 1:30 a.m.

Thursday, Nov. 5, 1998

9:30, call from dentist. Cancellation, do I want to fill in? No.

Drug Emporium for BP, coffee at McDonald’s.

To Ross in Capitola, then River Street. Found XL blue with embroidery, zipper in legs.

Home, Lehrer news. Henry Hyde announced Starr to appear Nov. 19. Sending letter and questions, probing and insulting.

Sewed three hats.

TV: Frasier, some old X-Files.

Friday, Nov. 6, 1998

Up 7:30. Usual breakfast. Finished crossword.

Rain in San Francisco.

To Patagonia, returned yellow jacket.

To Scotts Valley, ice cream!

Decided to go home instead of to show. Rain and cold.

To Albertsons, got veggies and milk.

News: Newt Gingrich may resign? Stayed up for Koppel.

Saturday, Nov. 7, 1998

Rain, cold.

Wrote letter, to Kmart for lunch at 11.

To show, “The Siege.” Good. Annette Bening, Denzel Washington. Bruce Willis, not listed in front.

TV: Some PBS, old Henry Fonda.

Tennis: Sampras vs. Todd Martin, Sampras fell hitting an overhead!

Sunday, Nov. 8, 1998

Awake 6, then 7. Usual breakfast.

Charted stocks, made chart for crossword dictionary.

Cold, but no rain.

Typed some, put October pix in album.

NFL: 49ers vs. Carolina, 25 - 23. Detmer QB. (Young out w/injury.)

Sun out in San Francisco, rain and clouds here.

TV: Taped Whoopie Goldberg, “A Knight In Camelot,” then second part of “Unknown Soldier.”

Bed, read Story of Iraq.

Monday, Nov. 9, 1998

Awake 6, slept til 9.

To Drug Emporium, McDonald’s for coffee.

Home, wrote Patagonia and Boston Museum.

Fone Myra.

Mail: Letter from Justine.

TV: Murder She Says, Jim Lehrer, some bio of “Duke,” John Wayne.

Tuesday, Nov. 10, 1998

Ready by 9.

To Drug Emporium, got TV Guide, etc. Checked “Hearing Center.” Closed.

KFC, got chicken pie and chocolate pie!

Raining, cold.

News, ate, chores, paper.

Geraldo: Good show, Gerry Spence, Alan Dershowitz.

TV: PBS, first part of Unknown Soldier, then first of Frank Lloyd Wright.

Wednesday, Nov. 11, 1998 - Holiday

Cold! Usual breakfast, chores.

Dentists, looking for knitting bag.

Brought jewelry to St. Vincent de Paul.

To Beverly’s, got dried flowers, gold.

Holiday, no mail.

Geraldo, read papers, crossword.

TV: Law & Order (repeat), second part of Frank Lloyd Wright. He died six months before the Guggenheim opened.

Thursday, Nov. 12, 1998

Cold, usual breakfast. Ready by 10.

Drug Emporium, coffee, bank.

Checked tires, thought low, no.

Got T-Bill info for girls. Home, reconciled account, mailed checks to them.

Home, lunch, worked on cleaning out cabinet. Cut linoleum for 2 shelves.

TV: Geraldo, had woman on who interrupts others, turned off.

Friday, Nov. 13, 1998

Awake 7:45, usual breakfast. Finished paper, packed vitamins.

Worked on cabinet, top shelf, til noon. Insecticides and paint to get rid of.

To Kmart, salad and pumpkin pie.

Home 2:30, some MSS (Murder She Says), then Lehrer News. Interesting.

Mail: Vitamin order, bills, book from Stimson!

Saturday, Nov. 14, 1998.

Up 7, cold. Heat til 8.

Usual breakfast, chores, watered plants.

To post office, KFC for lunch.

To town, gave bags to thrift shop on Front Street. Checked Logo's.

To show, “The Celebration.” Danish. Man is 60, has abused his children, son tells all. Odd photography, mostly face shots!

TV: Stargate, X-Files, skating.

Sunday, Nov. 15, 1998

Lifetime, 4 p.m.?

Crazy dream: On beach, airplane carrying large object above us. Bridge girders?

Up 7:30, usual breakfast.

Football: 49ers vs. Atlanta, 19-31.

Cleaned off insecticides, sprayed weeds.

TV: News, Siskel & Ebert, 60 minutes, Sleeping Beauty, X-Files.

Monday, Nov. 16, 1998

Up 7:30, heat until 8:15.

Usual breakfast, some yard work.

3 fone calls: Federal Reserve, renewed Wall Street Journal, Healthwise

To Kmart for lunch. 

To Mervyn’s, bookstore. No Wall Street.

Mail: New Yorker, read.

TV: Murder She says, Jim Lehrer.

Shower, hair.

TV: Geraldo, some Discovery, Baby Animals.

Rain in night.

Lisa Norrell’s body found. Strangled? Students shot in Napa.

Tuesday, Nov. 17, 1998

Leonid shower, can’t see. Rained last night.

Awake 6, heat til 7. Some sewing. (Bra.)

Drug Emporium, BP. High? Got TV Guide.

Trader Joe’s bread, soup, moisturizer.

McDonald’s for coffee, read paper.

Home 11:30, Monica's tapes released. CNN pix show reporters “like dogs over a bone.”

Mail: Letter from Stimson. Wrote to Carla, Prudy.

TV: Geraldo, Napa shootings, Morse, Law & Order.

Outside 2x, tried to see Leonids. No go.

Wednesday, Nov. 18, 1998

Slept til 8. Usual breakfast. Chores.

To Longs, BP high.

Finished letter to Prudy.

To show, “Meet Joe Black.” Liked. Anthony Hopkins.

Home, washed clothes. 

TV: Geraldo, X-Files, Voyager.

Bed, no sleep. Up for milk, hot. Sleep 1:30 a.m.

Thursday, Nov. 19, 1998

Awake 7:10, heat until 8. Cup of tea, crackers.

Ready 9:15, Drug Emporium for BP, paper.

Gas at Kmart, 9:25 on freeway to Monterey.

Arrived 10:25 but couldn’t find the Longs. Arrived 11 a.m., got test. Diabetes OK.

Ate at “Sea Harvest.”

Home, about 85 miles round-trip. Tired.

Watched CNN, part of “Judiciary Panel,” Ken Starr.

Bed early.

Friday, Nov. 20, 1998

Up 8, usual breakfast. Chores, still tired.

To mall, full of teens. Holiday?

Coffee at cookie place. Good, but high: $1.10

To Scotts Valley, looked for “knitting” bag. Expensive.

Lunch at KFC, then home.

Mail: Package (book) from Mina + letter, fone bill.

TV: Geraldo, Marcia there. Fair discourse.

Law & Order, Love Boat (captain is fatter).

Bed, no sleep. Right ear noisy.

Saturday, Nov. 21, 1998

Awake 7 but up 9:45.

To Drug Emporium, BP good.

To Albertsons, Longs, BP again, good.

Coffee at McDonald’s.

Home 1 p.m. Warm out, ear starting. If I keep moving, no noise, but changes if quiet.

News, CNN, wrote Mina.

TV: “The Big Sleep,” Bogart, Bacall.

Sunday, Nov. 22, 1998

Good sleep. Up 7, heat. 

Usual breakfast, finished crossword.

Changed some boxes of summer/winter clothes. Still some to go.

Watched Vikings/GreenBay game, wrote Stimson.

To Kmart, pumpkin pie and butter pecan! 400 calories.

Lunch was lettuce, veggies.

TV: Football, some tennis.

Ironed long-sleeved high neck.

Tuesday, Nov. 24, 1998

Up 9 a.m., same as Monday.

Bought cookies for bake sale. Man baked zucchini bread. Good.

To post office, mailed brochure to Mina.

Home. TV: Murder She Says, Jim Lehrer.

Carole to be here 7:25. Missed it. Then 8:05. On time!

Bed early after AMC “Blacks in Hollywood.”

Wednesday, Nov. 25, 1998

Awake 6, up 7.  Laundromat, breakfast at Kmart.

Home 10:30, chores. Tired, rested.

Shower, hair.

2 p.m., Murder She Says, Jim Lehrer.

Mail, paper, crossword.

TV: Voyager, much special effects. 

10 pm: Diane Sawyer interviews Ken Starr, he still has holier-than-thou attitude, voice changes, talking to child or sinner.

Some news, Koppel.

Thursday, Nov. 26, 1998 (Thanksgiving)

Awake 6, cold. Usual breakfast.

Packed vitamins, chores. Ready by 10:30. Larry out sweeping his patio.

Drug Emporium closed, Longs, too. 

To Lighthouse, big waves. About five surfers in, but NOT in white water.

To show, “Elizabeth.” Good.

Football: Vikings 46, vs. Dallas 36.

TV: Jumanji, Robin Williams, special effects.

Friday, Nov. 27, 1998

Bed til 8, usual breakfast.

Drug Emporium, BP 157/79.

To Trader Joe’s, rainy.

Home. Frost 1-3, Morse 3-5.

Mail: Bank forms from Treasury, WRONG.

TV: Rerun of 1997 Opera House Opening, Placido sings Wagner.

Justine called. Oetzel hip replacement.

Saturday, Nov. 28, 1998

Slept late, 9:25. Chores after breakfast.

Wrote to Simson til 12:15.

To Show, “Enemy of the State.” Will Smith, Gene Hackman. Great suspense.

Ate Kmart.

News, read paper. 

Ran tape of “Get Shorty.”

Bed 9, awake 12:30. Drank milk, read New Yorker til 1:30.

Sunday, Nov. 29, 1998

Slept til 7. Usual, cold.

Rams 10, Falcons 21.

Sorted clothes, got warm weather out. Too many clothes.

Watched football and tennis. Finished letter to Stimson, two pages.

Read papers.

TV: Nightmare before Christmas, X-Files?

Rain in night. Storm, wind.

Monday, Nov. 30, 1998

49ers.

Up 7:30, usual. Wind, rain.

To post office, mailed letters.

Home 11:45. Got wet, changed and warmed. Papers.

TV: Part of 49ers vs. Giants, Giants scored first.

Geraldo, Law & Order. Bed 9, but no sleep.