My Grandmother's Journals: April, 1999 "Had email, but could not connect."

Welcome to the daily life of my grandmother, a very persnickety and frugal woman who liked watching sports, going to movies and writing letters — then writing down everything she did in tiny notebooks.

These journal entries are from when she was 83 and living in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif, which she chose because it was near the popular surfing spot Pleasure Point, where she loved to walk to most days to watch the waves and surfers. 

(More on her below.)

In April of 1999, grandma was still struggling to get the hang of checking email at the library, was practicing packing for another trip to London and Paris, and saw her sixth showing of “Shakespeare in Love” in the theater. She also made a list that month of all the dates she had seen the movie: 1) 12/29/98; 2) 2/19/1999; 3) 3/11/99; 4) 3/18/99; 5) 3/25/99; 6) 4/8/99.

March entries.

 

Thursday, April 1, 1999

Up 6:30. Tea, toast. 

To shuttle parking lot. Not 8:50, 8:15! had to wait until 10:45 a.m.

To SFO, got 200 French francs, yogurt.

Back to Cal Train 2:54 p.m. to 4 p.m. In Santa Cruz 5:15 p.m.  

Very heavy traffic. Home 5:45 p.m.

Justine left message on machine, new phone number in Benicia.

Later Myra’s son-in-law called. Myra arrived 3:30, unloaded 6:30.

Happy with apartment, lost my email name.

TV: Law & Order, Morse.

Friday, April 2, 1999

Up 8, used melatonin.

To Trader Joe’s, Kmart, Longs.

To bank, checked balance. Got $200.

Warm day.

Home 11:30, mail. Enrolled in elder hostel.

Some yard work, spreading bark.

Tried on clothes to find suitable outfit.

TV, papers, then bed.

Up two times. Cold!

Saturday, April 3, 1999

Awake 7, heat til 8.

Sorted old clothes and yard work. Clipped down around stepping stones.

To Burger King for sausage biscuit!

To Live Oak library, Internet free. Message from Carla, replied.

Home, ironed.

To show, “The Matrix.”

Home 7 p.m. Bed 8:30. 

Sunday, April 4, 1999

Time change. Awake 7, old time. 

Chores, tennis.

To market for tea, ginger. Trader Joe’s for vitamins, quick Irish oats.

Justine called, I called back. Lone wants to visit Ole at commune. 

Packed vitamins for trip.

Wrote to Violet House, reserved room.

Packed slide rule for Carla, dictionary for Mina.

TV: Finished opera, X-Files repeat.

Monday, April 5, 1999

Cold, rain. Readied clothes for laundromat.

Few users, homeless man watching TV. I turned off.

Got sausage biscuit at Burger King. Older woman who talked sometimes.

To post office, mailed slide rule to Carla, Russian cards to Mina. 

Paid Gottschalk’s.

Home. Lunch, shower/hair, TV.

Reviewed 4 letters from Mina. Read.

Rained in night. No melatonin, slept OK. 

Tuesday, April 6, 1999

Breakfast usual. Cold.

To Drug Emporium, got TV Guide.

Called Puritan's Pride for vitamins. UPS delay.

Got donut/coffee, stopped to have glasses fixed.

Home, raining.

TV: Milosevic wants cease fire for Easter.

Ran Monica tape. 

Bed early, read some.

1:30 pain, no more sleep.

Wednesday, April 7, 1999

Dentist called, root canal needed. Called for appt.

Stopped by Kmart, no lights. Orchard had, didn't fit.

Home, finished letter to Mina.

TV: News, Morse repeat. L&O repeat.

Bed 8:15, took sleep pill.

Crossword puzzle. Slept 7 hours.

Thursday, April 8, 1999

Up 8, usual breakfast.

To post office, library. Had email, but could not connect.

Home, ate here.

To Scotts Valley, raining hard. 

To show, “Shakespeare in Love.” [6th!]

To library, got email from Carla. Power outage there Sunday.

Home, ate here.

TV: Morse repeat, L&O.

To bed, two crosswords. 10:30 took pill.

Slept fair.

Friday, April 9, 1999

To Ocean Street donut.

To Thrift shop, left donation.

Checked Greyhound bus, changed hours. Can’t leave suitcase there.

To Dentist, Carole's gone. House painter. Doctor's mother came out door and said, “He's so cute.”

Saturday, April 10, 1999

Ate McDonald’s. No good, stomachache.

To Albertsons, home. Chores.

Wrote Yvonne, called airline for carry-on size: 23 x 15 x 7.5

Trial packing: Seems OK, but will weigh 20+ pounds.

Tennis: Seles won.

Golf: Norma's strong finish.

Shower, hair. Some TV, Poirot.

Bed, read some.

Sunday, April 11, 1999

Up 7, cold. Oatmeal, regular.

To Kmart, got batteries, candy. Easter, on sale.

To OSH, have two colors: green, brown, got green.

To Shell, checked tires.

Home, looked for French tapes. 

Tennis: Monica won 6/2 6/3. 

Golf: Norman 3rd.

TV: Ebert, 60 Mins and X-Files.

Some French.

Thought radio through, but works.

Pain in rib cage, left side.

Monday, April 12, 1999

Up 7, usual breakfast. 8:30, Freda called. Mary Cooper died yesterday morning.

To post office, mailed letter to Mina, Yvonne.

Home for lunch.

Ran French tape, put breakables away.

TV: Jim Lehrer.

Called dentist re root canal.

 

Tuesday, April 13, 1999

Up 8. More packing.

Called garbage to stop pickup. Some chores.

Walked on East Cliff.

To optician's, screw came out of nose piece. Fake fish in pond?

To Kmart for lunch. 

Home. Packed, rearranged some.

To library, checked email. Nothing!

Stopped by Carole's, talked about 2 hours. Re: Religion.

Bed early.

Wednesday, April 14, 1999

Up 7, usual breakfast. Chores, walked on cliff.

To Longs, BP does not work.

Got 2 videos: "Return to Paradise," "English Patient."

To library, looked for Charles Wright, has no Wilbur or Orville info.

Ran "Return to Paradise." Very good.

Delayed vitamins arrived.

Not good sleep. Too warm.

Thursday, April 15, 1999

Dr. B, 11:15. Eye. Stop mail?

Up 7. Usual breakfast. To Mail Box, gave them recyclable peanuts.

Mailed letter to Prudy.

To doctor's, new prescription. To Kmart for medicine.

To Longs, returned videos.

Hot.

TV: Morse, Law & Order.

Slept without pills 2-4-7. 

Typed envelopes.

Friday, April 16, 1999

Post office, stop mail.

Put artificial flowers inside. Maria will water 2 pots.

Put blank check in mail for May.

Mailed two books to Mina, checked Greyhound, got new times.

To Kmart to question expiration date.

Home, hot.

Mina called, she not happy.

Some TV, ran French tape.

Slept good, felt strong in morning.

Saturday, April 17, 1999

Up 7, usual breakfast.

Cut grass around step stones. Swept patio.

To Drug Emporium, BP high. Got diet cookies.

To Kmart for lunch. Cheese sandwich! Pie!

Hot today.Got white t-shirt, L size, but small.

Typed letters to Mina, Stimson, took to post office.

Stopped at GNC for digestive enzymes. Fell on curb.

Mail: Fone bill, elder hostel.

Packing, no TV.

Shower, washed hair. 

Crossword, read paper, 10 news.

Sunday, April 18, 1999

Greyhound does not open til 8:30.

Up 7, watered outside.

Packed cosmetics, toiletries.

Sunny.

To show, "Cookie's Fortune."

To Santa Cruz Book Co, coffee.

Bed early.

Monday, April 19, 1999

To London 1:20 p.m., Flight 46

Amtrak bus 8:15 a.m., arrive 9:10 a.m. Train arrives in Millbrae 11, shuttle arrives SFO 11:11.

Git bus, bus train as above. 

Flight to Chicago 7:33 p.m., 3 hours, 35 mins. 3:50 in all.

Talked to lady on plane, going to Brussels. Was visiting daughter in Mendocino, took Santa Rosa Airporter.

Tuesday, April 20, 1999

Arrived London 3:10 p.m., or 11:10 London time.

To bus to King's Cross, arrived 1:30 p.m.

Daughter of Jones here, gave me tea. 

Almost rain, turbulence before landing. Bad.

To Wendy's for baked potato, chocolate.

Bed 6, slept 7-12. Took pill.

Lost toothbrush?

Some dozing, up 7:30 a.m.

Wednesday, April 21, 1999

Breakfast here, out at 9. 

Boots, no travel brushes.

Walked to Holiday Inn, then to Russell Square. Long!

To National Gallery. Had lunch, talked to man at table. Second man joined, but no comment.

To Oxford Circus. Boots, got $5 toothbrush.

Took 73 back. 4 p.m.

Papers, muffin.

More on these entries: I found a bag full of small Mead notebooks after my grandmother died, only learning then that for decades my grandmother wrote down every day when she woke, what she ate, what movie she went to see, any mail and calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before bed.  I find the details of her days fascinating, fun and very soothing to read.

More on my grandmother: Though she never lived with another person or even a pet when I knew her, I also never knew her to be lonely. She was an extremely independent woman who did not marry my grandfather when she became pregnant in 1943, and instead raised my mother on her own in 1950s Los Angeles. (I wrote more about her life in this post)

Good-bye to a great journalist, but an even greater human: Rich Freedman

Me and Rich enjoying an amusement park.

A newspaper man I worked with died recently, which is a great loss for not only his family and friends, but for the communities he covered. Because Rich Freedman was not just the hardest-working reporter I’ve shared a newsroom with, he was also the kindest — someone who cared deeply for the people and places he wrote about.

That was cool.

And while there are many hundreds of people who could give you far more consequential examples of his generosity as both a writer and a person, I’d like to share a small interaction that made me love him. And though I didn’t witness the exchange, it showed me more about his character than anything I saw firsthand.

It happened 25 years ago, when my husband and I were still dating, and still working at the newspaper where we met: the Vallejo Times-Herald.

We had just moved in together, and didn’t have much money. So little, in fact, that I asked my grandmother to help us pay the deposit on a house, and to help pay the rent, my husband Chris got a second job delivering pizzas.

Chris was ashamed of this and hoped our co-workers would never find out about it. Every time he drove up to a house, he prayed that someone from the Times-Herald was not living there.

Then one night, the moment he dreaded came true as the last person he wanted to see from the newspaper opened the door: Rich Freedman.
 
Why Rich? Because like many smart and sensitive people, Rich could also be snarky. With one of quickest wits I’ve known, he could easily eviscerate anyone he cared to with his tongue or keyboard when provoked. And Chris feared Rich might relish this chance to make him feel small.
 
Especially since another customer had humiliated Chris just the night before. Delivering to a graphic design start-up business, he peered into the hip office space full of guys his age and mentioned that he was also a graphic artist. “Oh really? A graphic artist who schleps pizzas, huh?” replied one of the guys with a derisive smirk as he shut the door.
 
Rich had the perfect opportunity to send Chris away with his tail between his legs yet again. But he did the opposite. Recognizing the embarrassment on Chris’ face, Rich simply said with a reassuring chuckle, “Hey, we all gotta make a living, right?” Then gave him a nice tip.

That was very cool.

Many believe that the best way to judge someone’s respect for others is to watch how they treat a person serving them food. I agree, and think even more is revealed by how someone reacts when a peer is suddenly serving them food.

“After that, he was always aces in my book,” Chris said.

Even more cool? We never heard one word about that night again, not from Rich or anyone else who worked at the newspaper.

What isn’t cool, however, is that I didn’t make more of an effort to see Rich again in the decades since I left the paper. We exchanged messages, but not recently enough for me to learn that he was sick, and make sure I saw him again.

Because I so wish now I could have given him another hug, and maybe even heard one more giggle. Because Rich gave great hugs, but even greater giggles.

So please learn from my inaction — if there’s someone in your life you want to see again, check in with them. Now.

My Grandmother's Journals: March, 1999. "On Internet, complete bust."

Welcome to the daily life of my grandmother, a very persnickety and frugal woman.

These entries are from 1999, when she was 83 and living in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif., near the popular surfing spot Pleasure Point, which she loved to walk to most days to watch the waves and surfers.

(More on my grandmother below.)

March of that year my grandmother was busy preparing her home for spring by washing pots and moving plants, and trying to learn how to use the Internet and email. According to her entries it was not going well, though I do remember her being able to email us for at least a little while. Also, she went to see "Shakespeare in Love" FIVE times that month!

February entries.

Monday, March 1, 1999

Awake 7. Shower/hair.

Anna came by. Myra not moving.

To Aptos, got shoes. Rockport, 15% discount. $59.28 including tax.

To Fong office. Woman patient there said Fong drowned surfing.

To Kmart for lunch.

Stopped in at Dr. Blackwell’ office. They said he was fishing!

Home, Murder She Wrote, Jim Lehrer.

Bed, slept 1 hour.

TV: BBC News, “Tin Cup.”

No sleep til 2.

Tuesday, March 2, 1999

Check glasses at Drug Emporium, Sears?

Awake 7, heat til 7:30. Moved flowers around.

To Drug Emporium, BP OK.

To Gottschalks, bot black winter sweater, 2 hats, 2 pair pants, 1 white t-shirt.

Lost earring, purple glass.

Home, ate here. TV: MSW.

Pulled weeds for 1 hour. Elsie came out to talk. Husband to have operation soon.

Dinner here. TV: BBC News, some Geraldo, old Morse. 

Some Gary Grant: Married 5 times.

No sleep til 2. Took melatonin.

Wednesday, March 3, 1999

Up 9, usual breakfast.

To Drug Emporium for TV Guide.

To Cypress for glasses, frames $118 (Medicare pays $63 plus lens) + 25 for UV.

Egret eating goldfish in pond at Cypress. Someone said the bird was an “Ebert.”

Lunch at KFC.

To show, “Message in a Bottle.”

Home, news. Lehrer.

Thursday, March 4, 1999

Wrote Sy and Stimson, took to post office.

To Kmart for gas and paper.

Go donut, finally found shop near Nob Hill.

Home 1 p.m., news. Read RLS.

TV: Geraldo, blonde on with big mouth.

Tired. Bed 9 p.m. but couldn’t sleep til 11:30.

Read, crossword.

Friday, March 5, 1999

To Longs for cholesterol check.

Library for Internet tutorial, woman on next stool helped me.

Called Justine, talked from 6 to 6:45. She plans to move 4/1 to Benicia. 2 bedrooms!

Also got tickets to Rent at GG Theatre with friends.

She phoned back re Monica

Bed, read, crossword.

Saturday, March 6, 1999

Slept til 8:15. Felt good. Cold, though.

To Longs for cholesterol check. Good.

To Beverly’s Fabrics, got more artificial flowers.

Home, lunch, letter from Mina: Sightseeing book.

Some yard work, put plants in back. Will they take?

Some TV, bed early.

Sunday, March 7, 1999

Called Mina.

Up 9:45, usual breakfast.

Read RLS 10 to 12 p.m.

Cold, though sun out.

Pulled weeds 12 to 12:45. Elle said Anne wanted her place. Myra brought magazines.

TV: Some tennis; 6 p.m. Scarlett Pimpernel. Short, 1 hour. Made in Paris.

Monday, March 8, 1999

Call Dr. Blackwell, change apt.

Joe DiMaggio died, lung cancer.

Shower/hair after breakfast.

Donna fended off robbers.

Turned mattress!

Garbage late.

Sent Ellen Goodman to Justine.

Home most of day. Cold, rainy. Put pots out in rain, read paper, etc.

Bed, no sleep.

Tuesday, March 9, 1999

Awake 8:30. Breakfast, chores.

To post office, sent book to Mina.

To library. On Internet, complete bust.

Home 1:30, washed some pots. 

TV: Murder She Wrote.

Later: Morse, Law & Order.

Bed, crossword. Took melatonin. Slept OK.

Wednesday, March 10, 1999

Up 6ish. No melatonin hangover. Slept enough to get out of system?

Laundromat by 7:30. Homeless man in toilet, static on TV. Repair man OK’d to turn off.

Dentist 1:15, have filling. Return 3/23.

Lunch Kmart, soup & cheese sandwich. $2.68. Got groceries also.

TV: Due South, Morse, L & O.

Thursday, March 11, 1999

Awake 6:45. Usual breakfast. Chores.

Pots washed, also two vases. Gave two, kept tall glass in case Justine wants it.

Walked on cliff.

To library, found my name OK on email.

To Wendy’s, crowded. Got frosty, then to “Shakespeare in Love.” (3rd) [Justine here: This was her third time seeing that movie in the theater!]

Home, papers, Geraldo, L&O rerun.

Friday, March 12, 1999

Awake 7, usual breakfast.

Tested Fantastic on plastic watering can. 

To Longs, got another Stayfree. Use at night.

Got donut, coffee good.

Home 12:30 p.m.. Anna needs ride to doctor's.

Bed, no melatonin. Sleep good.

Saturday, March 13, 1999

Awake 6:30, cold. Usual breakfast.

To Longs, Apricots all gone! Got more soup, checked BP. Not good.

To Drug Emporium, got diuretics, cookies, TV Guide.

Home, worked on pots. Broke one, little man who hung on pot.

Tennis: Serena Williams def. Steffi Graff: 6/3, 3/6, 7/5.

More work on pots.

Bed 9, restless. Sleep finally 12:30.

Sunday, March 14, 1999

Awake 8:30. Cold! Planned to wash pots, too cold. 

Some housekeeping, wrote Carla. 

After lunch wrote Prudy. Finished 5:30.

Washed dishes. Raining, cold.

TV: News, Siskel & Ebert. 

Shower/hair 7 to 8.

Monday, March 15, 1999

Anna to Dr. 3 p.m. She talks too much.

Awake 7:30, up 8. Out for waste can at 10.

Coffee at McDonald’s. 

Checked tires, left rear low.

To Gottschalk’s checked vests. Laurent not on sale.

To bank for balance. 

Myra called, took apartment in Santa Maria. $600, 1 bedroom.

TV: New program, John Larroquette. No good.

Tuesday, March 16, 1999

Awake 6:45, usual breakfast. Cold.

Too tired to go to San Francisco, worked on toenails.

Drug Emporium for TV Guide.

To library, on Internet 1 hour. No way to get messages. Everything but!

Home, worked on pots again. Moved ficus? to bigger pot.

Usual TV, old Morse.

Wednesday, March 17, 1999

Usual breakfast, chores.

To Longs to Xerox federal taxes.

To library, talked about Internet. Read about cataract surgery.

TO KFC, pot pie.

Home, MSW, Lehrer.

Ana visited, Myra sold home. Ad in paper, $49,500.

Worked in yard a bit. 

TV: More Due South, Law/Order. 

Bed early, tired.

Awake 11:30-2!-4.

Thursday, March 18, 1999

Awake 6:30, up 7. Cold, turned on heat.

Sorted medical, cost of cataract: $555 + 80 glasses.

To Gottschalk's, got 2 cheap rings.

Home. Gardener cut grass.

Talked to Myra, gave her magazines, jars.

To show, "Shakespeare in Love." (4th). Forgot hearing aid! See again?

Bed 9:30 p.m.

Friday, March 19, 1999

Cold a.m. Some chores.

To Drug Emporium, got Kleenex and Band-aids.

Got donut/coffee. Girl fun to talk with.

To library, got into email no problem. Message from Carla, sent her another message.

Talked to Justine, she visited Karen in Fullerton. They went to Van Gogh exhibit in L.A. Crowded! Of course, also to see band in Long Beach.

TV: Bio on Gwyenth Paltrow from Shakepeare. Good!

Saturday, March 20, 1999

Awake 6:30, usual breakfast. 

Chores: Vacuumed, cleaned furnace filters.

To Drug Emporium for paper.

To Live Oak, "George" not there.

To library, got story on Fong drowning on Internet.

Talked to man who uses "hot" mail, has friend in Japan.

To show, "Affliction." Nick Nolte, good performance.

TV: News, "Unforgiven,"Clint Eastwood.

Sunday, March 21, 1999

Up 6:30. Typed some collected info on eye surgery.

Wrote Joan and Sally, took to post office. Got stamps.

To Kmart, gassed car.

TV: Siskel & Ebert, Oscars: Gwyenth Paltrow, Dench, Roberto Benigni, Best Actor & Best Foreign Film.

Monday, March 22, 1999

Awake early, usual brakfast.

Drug Emporium for BP, Kmart for lunch. Got groceries, t-shirt.

Home, some yard work.

TV: Murder She Says, Lehrer.

Read papers, mail.

Bill from Doctors on Duty, called them. Need to send copy of Medicare statement.

TV: Geraldo, Due South, Frasier.

Tuesday, March 23, 1999

Awakened 6:30 by loud noise.

Xerox machine at Longs out. Went to McWhorters.

To Kmart, returned t-shirt. 

BP 110/73 ?? Tried Longs, 181?

To dentist 11 a.m. Filling, $27, plus 3 x-rays. Need to get #18 extracted.

TV: No "Due South," NBA Inside Story, Law & Order.

Wednesday, March 24, 1999

Up 2-5-8.  Breakfast usual. Shower, hair. 

Myra called last night. She leaves 3/30. She has bridge problems, too!

Ate KFC. Capitola Theatre closed for upgrade.

Wrote H + J, sent $250 to each.

TV: Part of new show, "It's Like, You Know." Clever, demeans LA.

Thursday, March 25, 1999

Feel better if no melatonin.

Awake 6:50. Heat. Usual breakfast.

Cleaned patio, in part.

To McDonald's, coffee.

To library, sent email to Carla.

Home, lunch.

To show, "Shakespeare in Love." [Fifth time!]

TV: News, Due South, L&O, checked Morse, old.

Decided against trip to SFO.

Friday, March 26, 1999

To Watsonville. Took x-ray to Dr T's.

Ate at McDonald's. 

Home, foned back regarding allergies, filled out form for surgery.

To show, "True Crime." Clint Eastwood, face lined!! First shot at bar with 23-year-old!

To Lucky to get bread. All $2.

Mail: TCI, elder hostel.

TV: Cracker, Law & Order, Frasier, Koppel.

Called Myra. Busy with packing.

Saturday, March 27, 1999

Up 6:30. Usual breakfast.

Called Mina, talked 1 hour.

To Longs, Albertsons, Drug Emporium. Coffee at McDonald's.

TV: Golf, skating. Maria B. deserved to win. Kwan second.

 

Sunday, March 28, 1999

Swept patio, washed car. 

Talked to Ellie re warmer, Larry, Myra.

TV: Tennis match, Williams sisters. 

To show, "Forces of Nature." Sandra Bullock, Ben Affleck. Stupid at times.

To Watsonville to c where bus center was. Near where Ford's used to be.

To Kmart for ice cream.

Home, five mins yard work.

TV: News, Emma.

Bed early. Read some of "Green Knight."

 

Monday, March 29, 1999

To Watsonville 9 a.m. for extraction.

Up 7, made tea, lunch. No breakfast. 

Arrived 8:45 a.m., skipped eye drop! No question about not driving home.  

Took half hour, cost $150. Dr is strong, needed to pull out 3 roots! Tooth broke, big cavities.

He dedicated to program to educate mothers not to let babies have bottle all night.

Myra called. Worn out!

Bed early, took pill. Slept 10:45 - 5 a.m.! 

Tuesday, March 30, 1999

Up 7:30. Usual breakfast.

Called dentist for appt, 4/7 11 a.m.

To Drug Emporium for TV Guide and cards, BP.

To Longs, got two more apricot cans, BP.

Coffee at McDonald's.

To library, turned in book. No chance at Internet.

Home. Myra left about 11.

 

Wednesday, March 31, 1999

Up 6:30. 

To dentist. Bruise on palate, girl said.

To Santa Cruz McDonald's.

To Live Oak library, Internet all taken.

To Branciforte library, open Internet, checked email. I'm not adept at times. May have sent message twice!

Home, lunch.

Mail: Mail from Prudy.

TV: Murder She Wrote, Jim Lehrer.

April entries.

 

More on these entries: I found a bag full of small Mead notebooks after my grandmother died, only learning then that for decades my grandmother wrote down every day when she woke, what she ate, what movie she went to see, any mail and calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before bed.  I find the details of her days fascinating, fun and very soothing to read.

More on my grandmother: Though she never lived with another person or even a pet when I knew her, I also never knew her to be lonely. She was an extremely independent woman who did not marry my grandfather when she became pregnant in 1943, and instead raised my mother on her own in 1950s Los Angeles. (I wrote more about her life in this post)

Wenn Schon, Denn Schon — The story behind my favorite scene in Terminator 2

Spoiler alert: For anyone who hasn’t seen the movie, I’m about to ruin one of the surprises:

One of my favorite movies is Terminator 2: Judgment Day. And one of my favorite scenes is when Arnold Schwarzenegger's Terminator, who we have just learned is now the good guy, is speeding John Connor away from an even scarier new Terminator, blasting open the locked gates in their path with his shotgun, which he re-loads with a one-handed flip move so he can keep the other hand steering his motorcycle.

 

That was cool.

Even cooler? Learning how much time the actor spent making that scene look so cool.

 

In his latest book, “Be Useful: Seven tools for Life,” Schwarzenegger describes how he practiced the “shotgun cocking flip so many times my knuckles bled, for what amounted to two seconds of screen time,” because he was determined to put in the time required to get it right.

 

That, Schwarzenegger says, is an example of the German phrase “Wenn schon, denn schon,” which he describes as basically meaning: “If you’re going to do something, DO IT. Go all out.”

 

And I am glad he did go all out, even for something as arguably trivial as a cool-looking stunt in a movie. Because what are movies, really? A collection of carefully crafted scenes designed to excite, entertain, and maybe even educate their audience, though most viewers likely just want to watch something absorbing enough to take us out of ourselves and our lives for a while. And that movie still does that for me, every time.

But I’m even more glad my husband bought me Schwarzenegger’s book, because I’ve found even better things in it than the story about my favorite scene, such as how he urges readers to “never think small.” 

Write down your biggest dream, he suggests, then write another one even bigger. Then give everything you can to making your biggest dream come true.

Because it’s the trying that matters — the trying and not quitting when you fail. The trying, the failing, then the trying again and again until you finally reach your goal. And by not giving up, he argues, you will not only have improved your life, but maybe even the lives of others, since what you achieve “could make a real difference in the world, far beyond what you can directly impact yourself.”

Especially, he notes, because you never know who is watching you. Your actions could inspire someone else to just keep plugging away at their dream, and maybe end up achieving one of the coolest, or most meaningful, things anyone’s ever done.

 

Or, maybe you could just inspire someone to get out of bed, make another pot of coffee, and try again to just be a good person doing good things. Because that’s cool, too. 

The keys to my future: Two cool ways the first man I lived with changed my life

Photo taken by Dan of me in Hawaii.

Mornings with my mother were a chaotic dance that always began with the grinding of coffee beans and usually ended with a frantic search for car keys. 

 

Every time I watched this stressful performance, I promised myself I wouldn’t follow her lead. But of course I did, finding myself dancing the same clumsy, loud steps for years — until I moved in with Dan.

 

I’m not sure how many times he watched the chaos before ending it — maybe once? As someone who re-created the same anal artwork with the careful positioning of his wallet, watch and name tag on his dresser every night, Dan could not let chaos reign in his home.

So he added a hook to my bookshelf near the front door and said, “Your keys go here.”

 

That was cool.

 

Because more than thirty years later, I still hang my car keys on a hook. But that simple switching of chaos to calm wasn’t the best thing Dan did for me. No, the best thing he did was help me earn a college degree.

Without parents to offer me support or stability after graduating high school, I treaded water for years, working full-time while doggedly starting but rarely finishing classes at my town’s community college.

 

A science teacher who noticed the pattern announced the first day of one semester that there were people registered for his class whom he knew would drop it, and he urged them (or was it just me?) to quit right then so others who really needed the course could take their place.

 

But I didn’t; I convinced myself that I would stay and finish this time. But I didn’t; I dropped that course, again. And I might have done it yet again if I hadn’t next enrolled in the math class where I met Dan.

 

I first went out with the cute guy sitting next to me because he seemed calm and smart. And I kept dating him because he was definitely NOT like the last guy who asked me out — a 26-year-old I dropped off at his family’s apartment afterward because he didn’t have his own car.

Like me, Dan was on his own, having moved out of his father’s house as soon as he could, and we shared the goal of completing a college degree — him wanting to being the first in his family to earn one, and me wanting to achieve what my mother and both her parents had done.

But unlike me, Dan first earned a well-paying union job at a grocery store that allowed him to buy his first home at 19. I could not have been more impressed at how Dan didn’t just draw a map for his life, but successfully followed it, and so I happily hitched my wagon to his when he asked me to move in.

Now finally accountable to someone other than myself, I started finishing classes and eventually transferred to the university where I earned my bachelor’s degree. And though Dan later joined me there, we broke up soon after moving in together again.

Because graduating college was the only goal we shared, and our time apart finally gave me the courage to admit out loud that I no longer saw me on the map of his life, nor him on mine.

And while I wasn’t always thankful for the time we spent together (especially the time he wouldn't let me finish dessert), I now feel incredibly grateful to have met Dan when I did — because he steered us both toward a dream I might never have achieved without him. And that is very cool.

Dan washing a truck he just bought himself.

My Grandmother's Journals: February, 1999 "Myra brought me meatball soup."

Welcome to the daily life of my grandmother, a very persnickety and frugal woman.

These entries are from 1999, when she was 83 and living in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif., near the popular surfing spot Pleasure Point, which she loved to walk to most days to watch the waves and surfers.

February of that year was full of frustrations: Incorrect listings in the TV Guide, wrong movie times in the newspaper, and the continuing impeachment proceedings for President Clinton, which she found stressful. 

(More on my grandmother below.)

 

January entries.

Monday, Feb. 1, 1999

Cold again. Ready — shower, hair, dressed — by 11.

To KFC for pot pie. Kmart for gasoline.

To doctor’s. Early, read. Pressure almost normal, upper limit.

Kmart, got blue flats, fabrics.

Home 2:15. 

Starr in news again. He can file against a sitting president. Much protest.

TV: News, Poirot (old.)

Tuesday, Feb. 2, 1999

Cold again. Ready by 10, after chores.

To Drug Emporium, got TV Guide.

To bank for balance, McDonald’s for coffee.

To Longs, pix for Mina. Rented “Rush Hour” video.

TV: News, Geraldo.

Ran video,watched part of Law & Order.

Wednesday, Feb. 3, 1999

Cold. Usual breakfast. Chores.

To Longs, returned video. Got paper.

To bank, closed maximizer. Took $ to credit union.

Trader Joe’s, then home.

Wrote letter to Mina re eyes and R. L. Stevenson.

Lunch: Myra brought me meatball soup.

TV: Murder She Wrote, Jim Lehrer, Law & Order.

 

Thursday, Feb. 4, 1999

Up 8ish. Got package ready to mail.

Foned Trader Joe’s and Bay Credit Union re: overcharge.

To Ocean for donut/coffee.

To Library, no museum for RLS at Monterey.

To show, “A Simple Plan.” Scary. Bill Paxton, Bob Thorton. 5 murders.

Home, taped Lehrer. TV Guide had “Frost” on A&E, was Holmes. Watched PBS Mystery.

Friday, Feb. 5, 1999

Up 8ish. Usual breakfast. Left 10:30.

To Sears, looked for pants. Also Mervyn’s. No luck.

To Kmart for lunch and looked for pants.

To Trader Joe’s, got carrots & cash back for overcharge.

Mail: Check for $8.07 from Medicare?

TV: Again TV Guide wrong. Law & Order, bed early.

Saturday, Feb. 6, 1999

Awake 6. Cold. heat til 7. May rain.

To Albertsons: fish, milk, bananas, cream

Home: Senate, Some “Six Degrees of Separation.” 

Called Justine.

TV: X-Files, skating in Japan; great ice dancing.

Sunday, Feb. 7, 1999

Up 8ish. Watched CNN at 10, some political show.

Wrote letter to Mina.

20 senators on TV shows, man in gallery yelled “Great God almighty, take that vote.” He was arrested but paper noted he may be acquitted because too many people in D.C. feel same way.

TV: X-Files, news.

Rain in night.

Monday, Feb. 8, 1999

Up 6 heat til 7.

Breakfast, chores. Garbage pickup 8:30.

Deposited $8.07 check.

Mailed letter to Mina, mailed face gel to Justine.

To Kmart, got applesauce, muffins.

To doctor’s, he had emergency.

Checked for blue purse, pants at Penney's, Gottschalks. None.

TV: Geraldo, part of Ally McBeal.

Tuesday, Feb. 9, 1999

Awake 6, heat til 7. Finished crossword.

Raining. Electricity out in mountains, mudslides.

To Drug Emporium, TV Guide. Finally changed price to 1.49.

Checked Mervyn’s, then Ross. Got two bags, blue & black.

TV: Morse, L/O.

 

Wednesday, Feb. 10, 1999

Usual breakfast. 

Worked on Velcro to fix strap on blue purse.

Few chores, paper at Kmart.

Got purple flowers at Beverly’s Fabrics, put on Margie’s grave.

To Wendy's, chicken sandwich.

To Toyota, horn fixed. horn under warranty? $25 labor.

Home, ants have invaded!

TV: Geraldo, Lehrer. Forgot Morse.

 

Thursday, Feb. 11, 1999

Awake 2-4-6-8. Cold, heat. Read.

Chores, new battery in hearing aid. 

Wind blew chips out in carport again.

Walked on cliff, then to KFC. Got pot pie & coconut pie. $5.13.

Home, some vacuum. Ants in bathroom.

Usual TV, read paper.

Friday, Feb. 12, 1999

Up 8, breakfast. Vacuumed early.

Vote at 9.50-50 Obstruction of Justice.

To show, “Little Voice.” Talked to man. Jane Horrocks, great voice.

Justine called. Rented Ab Fab. 

Saturday, Feb. 13, 1999

Up 9, usual breakfast. Cleaned car mats, did not clean up.

To Kragen, got clear plastic mats. 

To Ocean for coffee/donut.

To show, “Central Station.” Poor, illiterate people. Well-done, though.

Rain started.

Mail: Four letters, statement from Treasury.

TV: Bravo, Anne of 1,000 days

Monday, Feb. 15, 1999

Holiday. Up 8, usual. Shower/hair

To Greybears, woman looking for magazine.

To McDonald's for lunch.

To show, “Blast from the Past.”

Home, Myra left message. She to move to Nipomo. Will be 90, tired of helping Larry.

TV: News, King & I. Rex Harrison. 

Bed. Tired, but not deep sleep!

Tuesday, Feb. 16, 1999

Awake 6-8-9:15. Breakfast usual, chores.

Couldn't get hearing aid working right.

Raining. 

To doctor’s, left eye almost ready. Medicare will pay.

To Kmart, got food. Bank.

Rain scattered.

Mail: Letter from Prudy. Electric storm. Tornado “watch.” Slept in clothes.

TV: Bio of Tony Randall, NYPD.

Wednesday, Feb. 17, 1999

Up 6, breakfast 9. Ready by 11. 2 hrs!

Kmart for gasoline after walk on cliff.

Got pair of sox and lunch at Kmart. Too much.

To show, “Life is Beautiful.” Not playing at 1:30. Paper misprint.

TV: Tara Lipinsky special, part of Law & Order. 

Bed. Watched another Law & Order.

Thursday, Feb. 18, 1999

Up 7. To laundromat. Washed cold, both dark and light.

Home. Wrote John Mark with newspaper clips of Mavericks competition.

Post Office, mailed letter to John and letter to Mina.

TV: Murder She Wrote, Lehrer, L&O, Mystery.

Friday, Feb. 19, 1999

Awake 8, usual breakfast.

To Drug Emporium for TV Guide, Ocean Street for donut/coffee.

To library, took pix for Mina: herbs, medicines.

Lunch Erik's. Got Elastic.

To show, “Shakespeare in Love.” [Justine here: For the second time!]

Home, message on phone: "Pick up book at library, Reflexology."

Mail: Letter from Carla.

TV: MSW, Law & Order, 2nd part.

Not good sleep. Think took too many gingko.

Finally sleep at 2.

Saturday, Feb. 20, 1999

Up 9. Usual. Chores, out 10 a.m.

Longs, got battery for watch, some groceries, Xerox.

To Albertsons, food.

To library for book on Reflexology.

Gene Siskel died. Was ill a few months ago. When returned, seemed to have a stammer. Had brain tumor operation, but did not discuss it. 

Not much on TV, read.

Slept good 11:30-2-5-9.

Cold.

Sunday, Feb. 21, 1999

Gave up on “Elizabeth,” up too late.

To town, library. Talked to woman about crochet hat. She taking guitar, weaving lessons at Cabrillo.

To Logo's, no herb book. Checked at Santa Cruz Book Shop.

Home 3:30. Ate, TV.

Nature, “Extraordinary Cats,” and Doris Duke.

Monday, Feb. 22, 1999

Awake 7, usual breakfast.

Shower/hair. Some chores.

Wrote Mina, sent more RLS pix. Mailed letter.

To Kmart, got food. Lunched.

Home. Murder She Wrote, papers.

Talked to Myra about 4:30. She used reflexology in the past.

TV: A&E bio on Doris Duke.

Tuesday, Feb. 23, 1999

Up 8. Usual. Chores.

Gave Sister Grace two purses, pair of blue slacks.

To Elizabeth 11:15, showing cancelled.

Called Elder Hostel. All lottery now. Form to be mailed.

Got Masonic home newsletter.

Worked on taxes. Got discount on capital gains.

Usual TV: MSW, Lehrer, Geraldo, some Doris Duke.

Wednesday, Feb. 24, 1999

Up 9. Walked on cliff. Very low tide.

To Aptos, KFC for lunch.

Bought stamps, home.

Mail: New Visa card, bank statement.

Fed tax finished. Also state.

Some TV.

Thursday, Feb. 25, 1999

Up 8. Breakfast, chores. To post office 10:15.

To Beverly's for flowers, quite a few. 

Lunch at Wendy's. Got taco salad. Huge! Took some home.

Got cap pattern for crochet. Also yarn.

Mail: Letter from Mina, Medicare info.

Golf: Tiger going to next round.

TV: Geraldo, Law & Order, Monk. Taped Robert Altman recreation of Kansas City.

Not good sleep.

Friday, Feb. 26, 1999

Had doctor's appt 11:20 Changed to 3:45, went back to bed.

Usual breakfast here. Fixed flowers.

To Anne's, gave her literature on hearing aid.

To Kmart, got artificial flowers. Had ice cream.

To doctor's early, read book. He said getting glasses OK, eye stable. Use artificial tears.

Tired.

TV: Lehrer, Art in West. Law & Order old.

Saturday, Feb. 27, 1999

Up 7 a.m. Tea, fruit.

To Kmart, got three baskets of artificial flowers. Ate breakfast there.

Looked at pants, got purse yesterday. White knit.

Home, worked on cleaning flowers. 

Mail: Letter from Sy. Moved!!

Talked to Myra 3:45 to 4.

TV: Not much of interest.

 

Sunday. Feb. 28, 1999

Up 7:30. Usual breakfast. 

Chores, planted aloe in back. Worked some on flowers.

To Longs, took pix of a few pages for Mina. Wrote short letter, sent cap pattern.

Read "Amateur Emigrant." Found Silverado Squatters anti-climatic. To library, returned it.

Paid rent, got candy. 

Ate lunch, watched tennis.

Anna visited, asked me to help unpack dishes. Yes, I will.

Dinner: Zucchini, fish.

TV: Siskel & Ebert, tribute to Siskel. Loved the Bulls basketball team. Some 60 Minutes, X-Files.

More on these entries: I found a bag full of small Mead notebooks after my grandmother died, only learning then that for decades my grandmother wrote down every day when she woke, what she ate, what movie she went to see, any mail and calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before bed.  I find the details of her days fascinating, fun and very soothing to read.

More on my grandmother: Though she never lived with another person or even a pet when I knew her, I also never knew her to be lonely. She was an extremely independent woman who did not marry my grandfather when she became pregnant in 1943, and instead raised my mother on her own in 1950s Los Angeles. (I wrote more about her life in this post)