Sunday, March 22, 2020

Need toilet paper? Eat some corn on the cob

We've been having some interesting discussions in my family lately. And my favorite topic  has definitely been what to do when you run out of toilet paper.

"In the south, we used corn cobs," my mother-in-law said.

That was cool. 

My husband and I looked at each other. "Not bad," I said. "Good texture for reaching nooks and crannies. Soft. A butt brush! Pretty genius."

My father-in-law had a different plan.

"Here's what you do: cut up sh#t rags," he said, explaining that he's got a supply all ready to go in the garage. He even texted me a photo of one of the rags.

"But what are you going to do with them afterward?" I asked. "You can't flush them. Do you have a bucket set up to put them in? And wait -- does your wife know about this plan?! What does she think of it?"

He didn't answer. Then my husband chimed in.

"No dad, there's a far more elegant solution: They call it Sh#t, Shower and Shave. You take a sh#t, then you get in the shower."

There was silence on the phone.

"I never thought of that!" my father-in-law replied finally. "I gotta go ... take a shower!"

Monday, March 2, 2020

My Grandmother's Journals: March, 1995

The first Visa my grandmother got to live in Paris at age 56.
Every day my grandmother wrote down what time she woke up, where she ate breakfast, what movie she went to see, what mail and phone calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before going to sleep.

In 1995, she was 79 years old and living alone in a mobile home park, but I wouldn't describe her as lonely; she was an extremely independent and persnickety woman whom I never knew to live with another person or even a pet.

Close to her home in Santa Cruz, Calif., was the famous surfing spot called Pleasure Point, and she loved to walk along the cliffs above the waves and watch the surfers. When she died at 97 in 2013, I took her ashes to those waves with a friend of hers and we each dropped some at the sand. A moment after I dropped mine, a surfer emerged from the water where I stood.

That was cool. 

In March of 1995, my grandmother was watching the O.J. Simpson trial and studying Italian and French before her next trip to Italy and Paris later that month. The same week she left for Europe, I left for South America to spend several weeks in Santiago, Chile. 

Thursday, March 2, 1995
Up 8:30. Took muffin to McDonald's with coffee. 
Checked for deposit, made checks for girls.
Ate cookies like starved!
Lunch, read.
Watched Law & Order, biography of Ava Gardner. 
Bed, ran Italian tapes.

Friday, March 3, 1995
Up 9:10. Breakfast at Burger King. 
Drug Emporium, got blue tights, waxed floss, Sudafed, anti-diarrhea pills.
Home, news. Watched some trial.
Papers, bed. 

Sunday, March 5, 1995
Up 9:15. Breakfast at Bakers. Walked on west side 1/2 hour. 
Home, various chores. More corn pads on binoculars. {I have those binoculars now, always wondered what those things were and why they were there.}

Thursday, March 9, 1995
Awake 6:50. McDonald's at 8:30. 
Longs, photocopies of letters for Justine. {I lengthened this, she usually only wrote "J."}
Raining hard now. Trial, lunch, nap.
Watched "Stories of Frankenstein" on A&E, ER: Very dramatic, pregnant woman dies.
{I know exactly what episode she is talking about; I found it very unsettling.}

Saturday, March 11, 1995 
Some rain, clouds. Up 8:50. Ate donut at corner. "Ray" there, Pearl.
Walked Capitola. Phoned SLO at 11 a.m., Justine wants watch. {SLO is San Luis Obispo, where I was in college at the time.}
Looked for watch at Penneys, Mervyn's, Longs. Home, read.
Figure skating, two hours. Nicole Bobek choked!

Sunday, March 12, 1995
Up 9 a.m. Breakfast McDonald's. Longs, got watch. $10 + tax. {I'm not sure why she was buying me a watch, maybe because we would both be out of the country  for my birthday.}
Hair, shower. To show. Home, 7 p.m.
Watched 60 Minutes, taped men's skating. 

Monday, March 13, 1995
Some sprinkles.  
Up 8 a.m. Breakfast Burger King. 
Mailed package to Justine. Haircut, waited 10 to 10:30. 
Home 11, some weeding. 11:30 trial, lunch. Rested.
Some vacuum, cleaned filters on heater.
Tennis, Sampras better than Agassi; A made many bad shots. 7/5, 6/3, 7/5
Taped Voyager. Bed 9:30. Slept 2 hours at a time.
No rain in night.

Tuesday, March 14, 1995
Up 8 a.m. Breakfast McDonald's. Longs, Albertsons. Forgot to get TV Guide.
Home 9:30. Vacuumed all, some trial.
Packed clothes, wrote list. Watched Star Trek, news.
Rained a bit. 
Watched Morse (repeat), LA. Law, Frasier (repeat), John Larroquette (on hiatus), NYPD, news, Cheers, sleep.
Daddy Long-legs on bed. 

Wednesday, March 15, 1995
Up 9 a.m. Breakfast Carl's Jr. (Breakfast burrito).
Walked in mall a bit, checked shoes at Payless.
Home, trial. (Bailey x exam Fuhrman). To Longs, TV Guide, innersole for blue flats.
More trial uproar.
Watched Cosby Mysteries, NBC Dateline, Primetime, Law & Order.

Thursday, March 16, 1995 
Frightening dream near waking, in a restricted position. Wanted to be at a place, but was prevented. Crying.
{She also wrote something I can't decipher, so I posted a photo of the words at right.}
Up 9:15 a.m. Breakfast McDonald's.
Library, returned French, got Italian and a book. 
Mail, letter from Prudy, $2 from Lyon.

Friday, March 17, 1995
Up 8:15. Breakfast at Lyon's. Longs, photo copies.
Bank, deposited $2, got $100. Balance OK.
Trader Joe's, home 11:05 a.m. Trial, read papers, wrote letter.
To show 1 p.m., "Just Cause," Sean Connery. News, Geraldo Rivera, 6 -7 p.m.
Watched Star Trek Voyager, X-Files (repeat).
Slept good. Smoke detector squeaking.

Saturday, March 18, 1995
Up 8 a.m.. Breakfast at McDonald's. Waited til Longs opened, got new battery.
Ran tapes of French, lunch, read papers. 
Some TV, more study.
Breathed Vicks.
Bed 11 p.m.

Monday, March 20, 1995
Put garbage on hold, mail on vacation hold.
Up 8:30. Breakfast McDonald's. Laundromat, small load.
Home 11:30 a.m., part of trial. 
Put plants in tub, put breakables down, plates off wall. 
Rain most of day. Bed 11:20 p.m.

Thursday, March 23, 1995
{She was headed first to Italy, then to Paris.}
Leave, bus 15 minutes late. Stops: Scotts Valley, Los Gatos 10:20, Sunnyvale 11, San Carlos, Airport 11:45 a.m., 15 minutes late.
Listened to trial, some with Marcia, then Robert Shapiro and Kato: Very vague, "I think, maybe, etc."
Left papers in toilet: Dumb.
Mailed letter at airport, called Freda 5 to 5:30 p.m.
Got sandwich, turkey. Rested.
Flight at 10:10 p.m. tarmac, left 10:30. Full plane.
Show "Affair to Remember." Slept very little.

Saturday, March 25, 1995
{Still on her way to Padua, Italy}.
Much sleep, ordered low-calorie meal.
Show with Steve Martin, straight role w/children.
Arrived in Rome 7:30 a.m., Padua 10 a.m. Bus ride to hotel, arrived 12 p.m.
Orientation walk around Basilica and Botanical Gardens. Dinner 7 p.m.
Cappuccino with Colorado woman.
Called Justine Saturday nite after walk at 8 p.m. Tried three times, then got her at 9 p.m.
Terrible connection. 

 February entries.