Saturday, October 3, 2020

How did you know your spouse was the one to marry? I have two answers. But only one is the truth.

If asked how I knew my husband was the person to marry, I have two reasons. One is easy to explain, but the other is the truth.

I could just say that I knew we were compatible because we always saw through each other's defenses. While others believed his mask of cool, I saw the sweet, funny boy behind it. And while others were too wounded by my sarcasm to get very close, my husband had a shield for the spears.

That was cool.

But that's only the easy answer. The real reason is nearly impossible to describe.

We'd been dating maybe a week. I put my head on his chest and felt like ... I had found another pair of lungs to breathe with.

I didn't know I could ever feel so calm being so close to another human being, let alone so fast. I had dated other men, even lived with one for years. But I had never found that room where we could just sit and breathe, offering each other oxygen if needed. 

Only my mother had given me comfort and strength, and with her gone for 12 years by then, I had forgotten how it felt to not feel alone. But when I finally opened the door to another heartbeat, I knew the walls of my empty room would never be enough again.

And now, 23 years later, I'm even more grateful to have those extra lungs to breathe with. It seems every day this year the world has just gotten scarier; but every day I can still put my head to his chest, and get just enough strength to see if the next day will be better.

Of course if you ask my husband why he chose me, he'd probably say he didn't. That it was more like I wore him down, and I was just more tolerable than the rest. As he told a family member once, "I don't like women; I like Justine." 

And while that may not sound like a love poem to you, to me it's the most effing romantic thing I've ever heard. So yeah,  that's why we're married.

Thursday, October 1, 2020

My Grandmother's Journals: October, 1995

With her daughter in Griffith Park, 1946.
Every day my grandmother 
wrote down what time she woke up, where she ate breakfast, what movie she went to see, what mail and phone calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before bed.

In 1995, she was living alone in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif., but I wouldn't describe her as lonely; she was an extremely independent and persnickety woman whom I never knew to live with another person or even a pet. At 80-years-old she was still traveling alone, corresponding with people she met on those trips, and always keeping up with current events. (I wrote more about her life in an earlier post.)  

Close to her home was the famous surfing spot called Pleasure Point, and she loved walking to the ocean and watching the surfers. When she died at 97 in 2013, I took her ashes to those waves with a friend of hers and we each dropped some at the sand. A moment after I dropped mine, a surfer emerged from the water where I stood.

That was cool. 

In October of 1995, she was getting ready to take us to Paris and London by making reservations and brushing up on her French, still helping her neighbor Mary recover from a stroke and awaiting the verdict in the O.J. Simpson trial. 

Sunday, Oct. 1, 1995
Awake 6:30, up 8:40. Breakfast at corner. 
Talked to people driving to Tacoma, Bellingham. 
Signed card for Mary for Freda. She will take money to Mary.
Football: Dolphins/Bengals 26-23, 49ers over Giants, 20-16? Steelers over SD, 31-16
Freda called again. Mary asking for me? 
Raiders at Jets, 47-10. Cowboys lost to Washington, 23-27.
Fireworks at boardwalk, Santa Cruz's 204th birthday. [She taped a clipping from the newspaper into her journal.]
Watered lawn.
Monday, Oct. 2, 1995
Awake 7, up 9. Breakfast Carl's Jr. Looked in Gottschalk's, some good things, got gift for Yvonne B.
Mailed letter to Linda Drake, H. 
Looked up Heparin for Mary, she to speech therapy. 
No picture machine at Woolworth's, back to Mary, in physical therapy. Wants talcum powder.
Mail, letter from Mina. Mailed letter to Justine.
Football: Bills over Browns, 22-19.
Geraldo, much discussion of upcoming O.J. verdict.
Tuesday, Oct. 3, 1995
Breakfast McDonald's. To Live Oak, got flu shot.
To Drug Emporium, got book, TV Guide, soap. 
Home, waiting w/ CNN for Simpson verdict. Jury decides Not GUILTY!
Dentist 11 a.m. All Okay. To La Selva library, closed. Open M-W-F, 1-5 p.m.
To Ross, got green sweater and cardigan.
Wednesday, Oct. 4, 1995
[At the top of this page she wrote: gluttony, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, wrath]
Awake early. Muffin at mall.
Read paper, walked a bit. Showered/washed hair.
To La Selva library, got two Pollifax books.
To show: "Seven." First couldn't hear, dark also. But fast, good direction. Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey. [This must be why she was writing out the seven sins.]
Bio program on Joan of Arc was on (Judge) Lance Ito instead.
Bed early, slept good. Had bad reaction of dizziness. Lecithin too potent?
Thursday, Oct. 5, 1995
Breakfast McDonald's, walked in parking lot.
To bank, checked balance. Trader Joe's, to library, read description of drugs.
Home, lunch. Mail, letter from Mina.
Various chores, watched Geraldo. He sad O.J. free, he felt O.J. guilty.
Watched few minutes of new Mystery, didn't like. Bed, read.

Friday, Oct. 6, 1995
Woke 2 a.m., read until 3:50 a.m. Up 9, breakfast BK.
To laundry, home 11 a.m. To Ross, exchanged green sweater. (Pockets out of line).
Post office, mailed gift to Yvonne B., $5.33 parcel post.
Ironed some t-shirts. Thelonious Monk. Five Spot?
X-Files, Boring?
Saturday, Oct. 7, 1995
Up 8:30. Breakfast Carls. Mall walk.
Watered lawn, raked a bit.
Wrote letter to Yvonne B. 
To show at 41st, "To Die For." Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon. 
Read papers, watched news, baseball. Dodgers lost 10-4, out of playoffs.
Watched, "The General Died at Dawn," Gary Cooper, M. Carroll. 1936. I never saw it!
Bed 11:45 p.m., slept good.

Sunday, Oct. 8, 1995
Up 8. Breakfast McDonald's.
Walked, groceries at Albertsons. 
Dallas vs. Packers, surprise Colts over Dolphins.
To Carol's display of works [art show], purchased vase, $30.
Checked with Mary, home 5:30 p.m.
Watched 60 Minutes, Cybill.
Monday, Oct. 9, 1995
Up 8:30. Breakfast McDonald's.
Home, wrote Andra and Lutz. To Capitola Post Office.
Called La Selva library, open. Got books, returned others.
Football, Kansas City won over San Diego, very good game. 
OT, punt returned by Tamarick Vanover. 29-23.

Tuesday, Oct. 10, 1995
Up 9 a.m. Breakfast Lyons.
Drug Emporium, TV Guide, AA batteries.
Library from 11:30 to 2:30, got 3 books. 
Ate at Erik's Deli, soup and pie. To show "Kids." Gross.
Home, mail from Penneys, Emporium.
S. C. Hardware, got knife and spatulas.
Watched Morse 6 -8. Baseball: Mariners over Indians.
News: Amtrak accident in Arizona yesterday.
Wednesday, Oct. 11, 1995
Up 9:15, slept good after 3 a.m. with ear plugs and aspirin!
Breakfast McDonald's, called Lyon travel re Chunnel.
Wrote Mina, Carla.
NBC announced cancellation of O.J. interview because of civil suit, can't answer questions.
Baseball: Seattle vs. Cleveland 5-2.
Watched A&E re 1964 Civil Rights murders, part of Geraldo.
Finished Caravan for Mrs. Pollifax

Thursday, Oct. 12, 1995
Awake 8, up 9. Watered lawn, showered/hair. (Freda asked re nail??)
Donut/coffee, to Longs for pix [photo copies] of Casanova (book).
Trader Joe's, home, groceries and papers.
Civic Auditorium, got ticket to Vietnamese water puppets.
Watched A&E bio on Gore Vidal.

Friday, Oct. 13, 1995
(Hot weather!)
Up 9:15, breakfast Kmart. Got gas, looked for Thyme, none.
Home, read all back papers. Watched Rockford Files.
Mariners vs. Indians, Mariners won in OT. Braves over Reds.
Some Geraldo, taped Bravo on Sarah Vaughn. One daughter, four marriages.
X-Files, news. Fire in Oakland.
Bed 11:30 p.m., slept fair.
Saturday, Oct. 14, 1995
Up 9:15, breakfast McDonald's.
To Albertsons and bank, walked a bit.
Computed rent increase, $9.35 depending on CPI.
To Hill Haven, Mary having therapy. To library.
Home 3:30, baseball at 4 p.m. Indians over Seattle, 9-0.
Watched some French videos.

Sunday, Oct. 15, 1995
Up 7:45 a.m., to Burger King. Me alone for 15 minutes, 6 to 7 men, one other lady.
Home, gardening. Cold starting!
Stayed home, 49ers lost by one point! Young hurt.
Dallas won, Dolphins lost, Marino hurt. 
Got McDonald's sundae, light out at end of street.
Watched DS9, 60 Minutes, Cybill, one hour of "The Great Kardinsky," Richard Harris.

Monday, Oct. 16, 1995
Not good sleep, cold!
Up 8:15, breakfast McDonald's. 
Told manager light is out, she replaced.
Home all day, took Dristan. Read papers and book, rested.
Watched Rockford Files, football: Denver vs. Raiders! D won 27-0. No shot of Davis?
11:35 p.m. Letterman, Cybill/Joe Montana.

Tuesday, Oct. 17, 1995
Woke 2 a.m, then 5, slept til 9. Breakfast at Carls, bran muffin. Saw Lilly, she 40.
Compiled info on Casanova for Carol, lunch here. Mail, fone bill.
Read papers, Rockford Files, news, baseball: Cleveland over Seattle.
Star Trek TNG, favorite two-part with Mark Twain.
Watched Frontline, Waco, "new"  tapes for FBI.
Bed, tired. Visited Mary about 3:30 p.m.

Wednesday, Oct. 18, 1995
Up 9 a.m., breakfast McDonald's. Read paper, home, lunch
To show, "Strange Days." Loud, 2000 LA in chaos, based on police killing blacks. Felt director inferring LA on edge of anarchy.
Home 4 p.m., read, watched news.
Boston Orchestra at Cargenie Hall. 
Bed, tired. Static on radio!

Thursday, Oct. 19, 1995
Awake 8, up 9. Fog. Corner donut, got croissant.
Haircut, Orchard Supply Hardware, two plants, nozzle and adapter plug.
Home 12 p.m., ate cereal.
To Drug Emporium, got Mylanta, to Radio Shack, got AC filter for radio. 
Back to OSH, traded plugs. Spent most of day on errands, plug for radio.
Watched ST TNG, football: Bengals 27 over Steelers 9. Good game. Jeff Blake, black quarterback.
Read, watched Charlie Grace. Radio static.

Friday, Oct. 20, 1995
Awake 7:30, radio static. Up 9, breakfast Kmart.
Home, trouble with accounts. Washed car, used cleaner.
Watered west lawn, fertilizer, pots. 
Lunch Carls, chicken. Took AC filter back, got refund. 
To library, read, got 2 books. Got gelato, to Civic Auditorium for Vietnamese Puppets. Charming puppets, well-done. Music interesting.

Saturday, Oct. 21, 1995
Mervyn's bill $28.12, due 10/23
Up 8:30, breakfast McDonald's. Crowd at same time.
Cold, misty. Some streets wet. Home, read papers until sun appeared.
2:30 lunch at BK. Then to Boardwalk, fun arcade. Four photo booths open all year.
Home, World Series. Atlanta - Indians, 3-2. Fonda and Ted there. [Jane Fonda and Ted Turner]
Watched ST TNG, part of Victor, Victoria. Bed, tired.

Sunday, Oct. 22, 1995
Penneys $21.64, due 10/25 Pd. Sat.
Cold but sunny, awake 7:30, up 9ish.
Ate here, 49ers vs. St. Louis Rams, 44-10. Bears 35 to Oilers 32, Chiefs vs. Broncos, 21-7.
Rain, snow in Denver. Elway can't throw in rain.
Watched baseball, Atlanta 4, Indians 3. [She wrote Braves 3, but that's the same team.]
Watched part of 60 minutes, Cybill, Prime Suspect.

Monday, Oct. 23, 1995
Up 8:45, breakfast McDonald's. Home, talked to woman til 11. Wants roses, she also likes travel, opera.
Justine called, OK for itinerary [for Europe]. She may be here Nov. 22 on way to Mechele's, told her about Paris bombings. She got amethyst t-shirt in mail.
To show "Get Shorty." To Albertsons.
Football, Patriots vs. Bills 24-14.
Cybill repeat, bed, read a little. 

Tuesday, Oct. 24, 1995
Cold, turned on heat. Up 9:15, breakfast donut shop.
Home 10:30, planted sage. Grass cut by landlord.
To mall, xerox article on France, got $100. Paid Sears, bought two washclothes and notes for Christmas.
Visit Mary 2:30 to 3 p.m., Sandy there. 
World Series, Indians won 7-6 in 11th inning. Bill Murray hit last RBI.
Taped NYPD Blue.

Wednesday, Oct. 25, 1995
Sears $37.01 due 10/27. Pd. 
Up 9, donut and pear. Library, returned 2 books, read a bit of Barrons.
To Wherehouse, got "Age of Innocence." 
Home, watched video. World Series, Atlanta over Cleveland, 5-2.
Watched part of Julie Andrews story, Mad About You. LAPD review - Gates!

Thursday, Oct. 26, 1995
Cold night. Up 8:30. Breakfast McDonald's.
Called Clothes Cottage [consignment shop], took over sequin blouse, pleated black skirt (Hong Kong) beige blouse and jewelry for sale. Got $10.
To show, "Scarlett Letter." Background Nova Scotia, beautiful scenery!
Home 4:30 p.m., World Series: Cleveland 5-4.  Hershiser, Maddux mad, lost it. HR in 1st inning.
Watched part of Law and Order, Poirot, news.

Friday, Oct. 27, 1995
Up 9 a.m., breakfast Lyon's. Walked a bit in lot.
To Trader Joe's, home 11.  
Read papers. Warm today, napped.
Watched Rockford Files, watched news and X-Files, not too good. Circus people.
Tired, slept good.
Call Sy tomorrow?

Saturday, Oct. 28, 1995
Set alarm to call Sy! Turned off, up at 9 a.m.
Called Sy at 9:30 here, 5:30 there [in France]. They changed to regular time already. He changed appointment for eye operation to Nov. 14.
Breakfast at Burger King. To show "Get Shorty" for second time. No music for most of time.
To library, Lucky for groceries. Home, watered back.
Mail, bank statement.
Watched John Larroquette, (old), news. Baseball: Atlanta won 1-0.
Bed early.

Sunday, Oct. 29, 1995
Listened to Chris Clarke [on KGO]. Party in SF last night, "Exotic Erotica," two guys masturbating on "Concourse." 
10 a.m., Dallas 21 vs. Atlanta 13, 49ers vs. Saints,  11-7, two injuries, Brent Jones and Floyd, both had knees twisted.
Watched  Streetcar Named Desire, Jessica Lange, Alec Baldwin. Jessica very good.

Monday, Oct. 30, 1995
Rent. Awake 6, up 8. 
Breakfast at Country, limited menu. Poached eggs just right, potatoes parboiled.
To mall, looked for beige turtleneck, none.
Foned for dinner at Live Oak, tomorrow Halloween parade and Bday party, not going.
Football, Bears - Vikings, 14 - 6.
S.T. Voyager. Bed.

Tuesday, Oct. 31, 1995
Quebec referendum, 50.6 no, 49.4% yes.
Up 8, breakfast McDonald's. To Longs, laundromat.
Home 10:45, some housework. To donut/coffee.
To Ross, got turtleneck, Cinnamon.
To Library, got Mrs. Pollifax Pursued.
To show "Copycat." Scary.
To main library, returned Casanova.
Home 5 p.m., ate here. Taped "In the Woods," watched The Client, Frasier.