We always need our mother. And no one knows that better than a mom.

Drawing of "4 Mile Beach" by Mike Bencze

I got a wonderful surprise recently from one of my mother’s friends: Along with giving me a lovely drawing of one of my mother’s favorite places, Wilder Ranch, she wrote in a card: “Your mom is so proud of you, I can feel it. And I hope you do, too.”

That was cool.

Because those words were exactly the gift I needed, though I didn’t know it until I read them.

Maybe I had forgotten. Or maybe I figured that since I’m in my 50s now, I really shouldn’t need my mother to be proud of me anymore.

But Cecilia knew. Maybe because she’s a daughter who recently lost her mother. Or because she has two daughters of her own — daughters who are now fully grown and quite accomplished, but whom she knows will always want her to be proud of them, no matter how independent they feel they are.

Or maybe it’s because Cecilia’s been watching over me since my mother died, carefully tracking my successes and struggles since I was 15. And just like my mother would, Cecilia pays more attention to how I sound than to what I say, listening to my voice more than my words to determine if I am OK.

So she knows that no matter how many years pass, I will always be that teenager who needs her mother, and will always want to know what she thinks of who I became. And luckily for both me and my mother, Cecilia can speak for her, saying what I need to hear, just when I need it most.

Because even though she is plenty busy still nurturing her own daughters while preparing to become a grandmother, Cecilia long ago carved room in her heart for the daughter of a friend who died.

(Why was Wilder was so special to my mother? Because she helped protect a small population of threatened shorebirds found nesting there. More on that in this post.)

And while I love that Cecilia loved my mother enough to love me as well, I appreciate even more now that our bond has grown beyond their friendship into one of our own. Because sometimes you don’t need a mother — you just need a friend to hike to a cool waterfall with:

R4

My Grandmother’s Journals: May, 1998

With penpal Sandra and her son Peter at the Getty Museum in Malibu. 1989

In tiny notebooks, my grandmother wrote each day when she woke, where she ate breakfast, any movie she went to see, any mail and calls she received, then what she read and watched on TV before bed.

 

In 1998, she was 82 and living alone in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif., but I wouldn't describe her as lonely. She was an extremely independent, frugal and persnickety woman whom I never knew to live with another person or even a pet after she raised my mother as a single mother in Los Angeles in the 1940s and 50s. (I wrote more about her life in this post.) 

 

 

 

She lived close to the famous surfing spot Pleasure Point, and nearly every day she walked to those cliffs to watch the ocean and anyone surfing it. 

When she died at 97 in 2013, I took her ashes to those waves with one of her friends, and we each dropped some ashes at the sand. A moment after I dropped mine, a surfer emerged from the water where I stood. 

That was cool. 

 

 In May of 1998, she flew to London and visited one of her longtime penpals, Sandra, then took the Chunnel to Paris, a city she visited every year, as it was perhaps her favorite place on Earth.

 

April entries.

Friday, May 1, 1998

Awake 4 a.m. 7:15 tea, usual.

Paper, then Mervyn's. Returned 10.5 shoes. Same clerk.

Post office, put in vacation mail card.

Packed in a.m., arranging items most of day.

Various chores. Papers, etc.

 

Saturday, May 2, 1998

Put breakables on floor, cut philodendrons. 

Repacked with Peter's shoes in big case.

To Kmart, breakfast.

To thrift store, gave 3 sweaters, blouse: brown, handmade.

To show, "Blood on the Moon." 1948, with Robert Preston

Home, worked on packing. 

TV: Angels, Insects.

No word from Elliot.

Sunday, May 3, 1998

Awake 6:47. Usual tea.

First to Greyhound, put bag in locker.

Cloudy, could not see Space Shuttle at 8:44 a.m.

Drug Emporium,  got trail mix and candy.

Talked to Myra a bit. Put envelope on Elliot's porch.

Mall for bus times. 

Got donut. Spilt coffee.

 

Monday, May 4, 1998

Flight to London 5 p.m. Bus leaves mall 8 a.m.

Up 5:30. Tea, etc.

Rained through night. Changed shoes.

Coffee at Rebecca's. Cafe at Metro closed. Bus late.

Check-in early, no protest.

Seat partner older woman, well-versed in arts, stage, etc. Born India.

Took off 5:20 p.m. Captain announced arrive London 10:56 a.m.

Tuesday, May 5, 1998

Touched down London 11:05 a.m. 9 hr 45 min flight.

Through customs, baggage by 11:30. Bus to King's Cross. 

Tired, no sleep, plane completely full.

Ate chicken sandwich at hotel.

No hot water. Rested.

To coffee shop, had soup, chips, tea. 

Called Sandra.

To hotel, chores. Washed pants, sponged top off. Found make-up.

Got extra blanket.

Read some of paper.

Wednesday, May 6, 1998

Breakfast 8 a.m.

Got Chunnel ticket.

Walked a lot. To Victoria Station, soup. Got new maps.

To musical, "Chicago." Slow, then heats up. Loud, long legs.

Cappuccino, croissant.

Hotel 7 p.m., read part of paper.

Not good sleep.

Left water bottle some place. 

 

Thursday, May 7, 1998

To Tate Galley, Bonnard exhibit. Turner also.

Bus 77A went past, walked back.

Ate KFC across the street, good. Gave me hot water for tea.

To Waterloo, got timetable.

Back to Selfridges, had "Clearance Sale." No wallets.

Had coffee, dish of fruit. Good. Got mineral water.

Took bus 73 home.

 

Friday, May 8, 1998

Waterloo, Sandra.

Up 7, breakfast. Got postcard for Mina. 

Mailed letter plus Bonnard items for Stimson.

To Waterloo, Northern terrible. Got Chunnel ticket.

Sandra met train, to Thames Court. They lost our order.

Ate at tea shop.

Back to London, to show.

Hotel 8:30, got candy.

Saturday, May 9, 1998

Tea for breakfast.

What a crowd at King's Cross!

Bus to Oxford Street, walked a lot. Hot weather.

Ate Wendy's. Too much walking!

To Comedy Theatre, "Inspector Hound." Black comedy, funny.

To hotel. Showered, washed hair.  Mistake? Bed with wet hair.

Not good sleep.

12:30 a.m.: Me in loo, woman opens door.

 

Sunday, May 10, 1998

Awake early. Not rested though!

Talked at breakfast with visitors from Colorado.

To Westminster, got lost. Maps no good.

Selfridges, got hose and hair dryer.

Got soup at coffee shop.

Watched TVB, antiques.

Rinsed, cut hair.

Monday, May 11, 1998

Chunnel to Paris.

Breakfast early. Packed.

Victoria to Waterloo. Early, got coffee.

Necessary to push cart up ramp! Escalator not working.

Paris 3:56 p.m. Took wrong metro! 4 instead of 5.

Wrong way on Rue Street, no taxi would take me!

Tuesday, May 12, 1998

To Monoprix, no shirts/blouses. Got hose.

Foned Sy. Bad! (85).

Got blouse and skirt, then shoes.

Foned Mimi, met 3 p.m.

Home on bus. Talked to nice lady. Her daughter works in NYC. She won't go because of jet lag.

Hotel, ate quiche and custard.

Worked on book til 9:30.

 

Wednesday, May 13, 1998

No sleep again, or very little. Too hot/noise.

Walked to Grand Augustin Quai. Book shop closed.

Took 70 to Hotel de Ville, then 72 to St. Cloud.

Got food, ate in street.

To hotel, tired. Rested.

To Mimi's til 10:30. She better.

 

Thursday, May 14, 1998

Frank Sinatra died.

Some sleep. Fire door closed.

Dreaming. War?

Breakfast, back to bookstore. Got clip for glasses.

Stopped at loo, gave too much. Woman gave it back. Honest.

Ate salad, Jello.

To book (exchange), gave book to woman, she gave me two!

Foned Andra, left message on machine.

Got bananas, to hotel.

Friday, May 15, 1998

Andra called, meet for lunch.

Walked to post office, hot.

Met Andra, ate nice lunch. Coffee.

Yvonne 2:30, we talked. She ate, not me. I should have paid.

Rested 1/2 hour. Walked to St. Germain.

Got yogurt.

Neighbors loud, no sleep til 3 a.m. again.

Saturday, May 16, 1998

Up 7:30 again. Hot.

Called Claudine. Got address, but not name!

Met Andra and Lutz, took gift and ticket.

Walked to hotel. Fight, four men or more.

Found glasses.

Slept finally.

Singing at 2 a.m.!

 

Sunday, May 17, 1998

Breakfast 8:30. American from Colorado. Denver.

Chores.

Post office. Mailed card to Carla, Dodgers button to Claudine.

Marks and Spencer closed.

To hotel, rested. 

Back to post office with package.

Hotel 7:30. Got ice cream and cookies. 

Monday, May 18, 1998

Check flight. OK.

To post office, second package off.

Then opera. Got cafe/croissant.

Walked a lot. To Man Ray exhibit. Born in Phila, Penn, 1890. Died Paris, 1976.

Hotel, card from Mimi.

Washed clothes. Read, radio, etc.

Walked in evening.

Tuesday, May 19, 1998

Buy Pain Raisin, banana. Pack.

Young people trashed the place, broke mirror.

Yvonne called. To meet, but decided no.

To Grand Supermarket, got bananas and tea.

Lunch at McDonald's. Very clean.

To Maria Callas exhibit. Had excellent copies of her arias.

To Marks & Spencer, got mueslix, peanuts and cappuccino.

Hotel, called Yvonne, Sy did not answer.

Mailed 2 cards, Sy and Mimi.

Wednesday, May 20, 1998

Return: Flight from paris 11:45 a.m.

Up 5:45. Not much rest. Packed.

Taxi 49F; 43 plus 6 for bag!

Made 7:15 bus, 45F.

Airport 8:10, through security 9 a.m. Got coffee.

Police exploded "left package."

Seatmate women, had bad cold. Also man across aisle. 

11 hour flight. Took Airporter.

To market, got milk. Ate cereal.

Thursday, May 21, 1998

Slept 9 -3 a.m. Tea, toast. Shower, hair. 

To post office. No packages.

To Kmart for breakfast.

Bank, put money in Justine's account. Mailed to H.

Chores in yard, cats upset.

VCR does not turn on! 

TV: News, fell asleep turning Frasier.

 

Friday, May 22, 1998

Up 4 a.m. 

Wrote checks: Mastercard, Sears. Rec'd 2.15 credit from Penney's.

Yard work.

To Longs, got two boxes Corn Flakes.

To KFC. Sandwich, slaw, chocolate.

Fone message from Justine. Karen coming up to visit.

Home. Ellie sprayed yard against cats.

Bed 7:30. Up 9-11-2.

 

Saturday, May 23, 1998

Up 5:30. Tea, cereal, balanced books.

Post office, card to Sandra.

Toyota odometer changed to 105,000 at stoplight ramp to freeway.  Had timing belt changed. $131.84

Rested a bit. To show, "Bulworth." Warren Beatty.

Home, news at 5 p.m.

Mina called 6 p.m. Talked til 6:40.

Sunday, May 24, 1998

Up 5:30. Tea, etc. Watered lawn.

To Kmart, looked for plate holder. Got card for Peter, candy.

To town, got coffee.

To show, "Wilde." Young man spoke, hitched in Europe, Tibet? Show dark, got ticket to replace. 

Library, got book of plays.

Home. Ate, chores, etc.

Monday, May 25, 1998

Memorial Day.  Awake 5. Tea, etc.

Yard work. Weeds, etc.

Checked oil in car and radiator.

To drug store, nothing.

To Pet Emporium, got anti-pet spray.

Home, some TV. Crosswords from Wed - Sat.

Tuesday, May 26, 1998

Awake 4:30, up 5:30.

Tea, cereal. Chores.

Post office: Card to Peter, package to Mina.

Voted!

Sorted vitamins in bags for 10 days. Read papers.

Tennis: Agassi lost, Serena Williams won. First time I saw her; bigger hips than Venus.

Some TV, news. Bed early.

Finished "(Importance of Being) Earnest by Wilde.

 

Wednesday, May 27, 1998

Up 6. Tea,etc.  To laundromat 7:15.

9, paper.

Home, ironed. Tennis.

Wrote three letters: Mina, Yvonne, Andra.

To Y: Tea, wine enzymes. To A: news articles, Viagra, Sinatra.

Got a lot done!

Bed about 10. Watched ballet on Ch. 9. [KQED}

Thursday, May 28, 1998

Left 9 a.m. to Staples.

To Radio Shack, checked their repair services for VCRs

Rained all the time.

Tennis: Sampras out, Pierce out.

Called Justine at 11:15. She may meet us Sunday.

Mail: Bank statement, letter from Mina. 

 

Friday, May 29, 1998

To Carla’s. Take African statues! 

Up 5:30, ready by 8:30. 

To Half Moon Bay by 9:50, got muffin.

To bridge by 10:45, not much traffic. 

Called from Rio Nido at 12:15, 154 miles.

Carla met me at Guerneville grocery. Talked, etc.

Bed early.

 

Saturday, May 30,1998

Up early. Chores, etc.

Visited numerous studios. Got vases (2), also another cat.

Also, “Friend of the potted plants.”

Talked to lots of people, very interesting.

Much riding, did not always buy things.

Met Donna, nurse who was in Belize. Next Portugal. 

Bed early.

Sunday, May 31, 1998

Up early again. Left about 9.

Got gas at Guerneville.

To bookstore, met Justine. 

To art center, got mirror for J, vase for me.

To John Chambers, got tea pot. J got bowl for $5.

Back to Silvermine, got vase “with attitude” for J.

Left Justine at 4:30, back to Carla’s.

I still have the “vase with attitude,” and the $5 bowl.

Monday, June 1, 1998

Up 6 a.m. Breakfast, etc.

Left about 8:30, Carla drive me down hill.

87 miles to GG Bridge, stopped at BK.

Gas at Sebastopol. 168 miles, 33.6 mpg.

No hang-ups til Hwy 1, cutting trees.

To Longs for BP.

Mail: Letter from Prudy.

Elliott left pansy in hanging pot.

Bed early.

Tuesday, June 2, 1998

Up 7. Tea, etc. Walked on cliff.

Called Burger King.

Tennis: Hingis vs. Williams

Called BK again, then drove there. No go.

Worked in patio.

Mail arrived, Mina sent books.Two packages.

Called TCI, no info. Did not call back.

Bed after Mystery, To Die For, on Ch. 22. BBC.