Wish list at 25: "To have a reliable car. To get a good job. To be independent. To have space to dance."

At age 25, I wrote a list of wishes for my future. Feeling adrift and anxious because I had just graduated college and needed a job, I hoped to calm and focus myself by writing down what I wanted to have in my life. 

Which must have helped, because when I discovered that list recently, 52-year-old me was amazed to see I have fulfilled all of the professional and personal wishes 25-year-old me had.

That was cool.

But what's even more remarkable to me is what I did NOT wish for: To get married and have kids. Younger me wanted a good car and a good job without a long commute, wanted an interesting and fulfilling job alongside good people, then to find one good person to "love who loves me." But I did not wish for a husband and kids. So I didn't get them.

At least not the kids. I did get married, and my husband and I did try to get pregnant, but after many frustrating years it became clear we could not create a child.  And while overall we have accepted, and are mostly even relieved by, the fact that we couldn't, we both have some lingering deep sorrow about not having children to share our lives with. 

So reading that list I made long ago gave me just what I needed: Both to be reminded of how much I have actually accomplished, and that I still have one more wish to focus on. Which, funny enough, is the very first thing younger me had on her list: To live by the ocean.

And hopefully, it won't take another 25 years to finally cross everything off that list!

Here's the list I wrote in February of 1996:

1. To live by the ocean.

2. To live within walking distance of most necessities.

3. Not to have to commute.

4. To have space to dance.

5. To have a vegetable garden.

6. To be able to draw/paint/do ceramics.

7. To be independent. 

8. To have savings.

9. To work with good people I like.

10. To have a fulfilling, rewarding career.

11. To be healthy.

12. To have a fun, reliable car.

13. To see trees/mountains/birds/the ocean from my windows, either breakfast and/or bedroom.

14. To have people to share my life with.

15. To be living with someone whom I love who loves me; someone who is happy being with me and I'm happy being with them.

16. To see my father again? (More on that entry)

17. To graduate.

18. To get a good job.

19. To be a happy, vibrant, independent, successful person.