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My grandmother and me in Paris, December 1995.
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When she was 80 and I was 25, my grandmother invited me to Paris and London with her. It was an incredible experience, full of moments both amazing and awful, especially since Paris was in the grips of a transportation strike at the time. And you don't have to imagine what it was like for us to walk everywhere in the freezing cold, because we each wrote about our experiences in separate journals.
That was cool.
I didn't know my grandmother not only kept a diary on that trip, but a daily log of her life for decades, until she died. Then I found a stack of small notebooks in which she recorded when she woke up, what she
ate, what movie she went to see and what she
watched on television.
And I love reading those notebooks so much I have become a bit obsessed. Not only are they full of tiny details about daily life that I would enjoy reading even if she weren't my grandmother, they've introduced me to parts of her I never got to know while she was alive.
My grandmother was not an easy person to be with. She was a strong-willed woman who could be very critical and easy to anger; even her only child, my mother, kept her very carefully at arm's length. I was afraid of her when I was a child, and remained wary of her as an adult, expecting everything I said and did to be used against me later.
But while we had an often strained relationship, she was by far the most constant and supportive adult presence in my life after my parents exited, one by death and one by choice. She did not offer warmth or unconditional love, but did provide crucial financial support and much-needed stability. Perhaps most important of all, she was a remarkable role model of a woman full of grit, independence and endless curiosity about all the people and places in the world.
I have about two dozen of those yearly datebooks my grandmother filled with her days, and I chose to publish the year 1995 because that December was when we traveled together to Europe, and I thought it would be fun to feature my perspective of our journey alongside hers.
I also love reliving that trip because it was the most time we spent alone together, and therefore includes my favorite memories of her: us collapsing in laughter after battling our way on and off crowded buses during a transportation strike in Paris, us collapsing in laughter again after misinterpreting the warning sign "Weak bridge" as the name of the span, and her looking at me mournfully over yet another stack of white toast for breakfast at our hotel in London and saying, "Let's go to McDonald's and get Egg McMuffins!"
Here are all her entries for December of 1995, along with mine for the days we were together. Her entries were brief, mine were not!
Friday, Dec. 1, 1995
Awake early, cold. Up by 9.
To bank, put money in Justine's account.
To Rebecca's muffins.
To show, "American President." Bening, Douglas. Enjoyed.
To Library, looked up Carrington and Strachey. [The painter Dora Carrington and writer Lytton Strachey.] Got two books.
To Wendy's, ate baked potato, got caeser salad to go.
Turned foggy. To Drug Emporium, got antacid, aspirin, cookies, Tums and candy.
Dinner: salad. Watched X-Files.
Saturday, Dec. 2, 1995
Up 8:30, breakfast McDonald's.
Home, tennis. Davis Cup, doubles. USA beat Russians three sets.
Worked on girls' money. Wrote Mina & Justine.
To post office, message from Corky to watch Ch. 54 at 5 p.m.
Read Lytton's works.
Did watch "Sister Wendy's Odyssey." Enjoyed.
Sunday, Dec. 3, 1995
9 a.m., Sy called. Paris without food, workers drive in, park everywhere, no room for food deliveries. Philippe walking two hours to work.
Breakfast at corner. Tennis, Sampras won.
Football, Miami over Atlanta, Raiders lost to Chiefs 23-29, 49ers over Bills, 27-17.
Called Justine, told her. [I'm assuming she told me about the strike in Paris, since we were going there in about three weeks.]
Paris on 60 Minutes, watched Cybill.
Monday, Dec. 4, 1995
Rain in night. Up 9, breakfast Lyon's. Forgot tip!
To Trader Joe's, Drug Emporium, Penneys, got pants.
Home, turned warm. Read Strachey, got clothes ready for laundromat tomorrow.
Football, Lions beat Bears. Some TV.
Called Air France, got seats. Finished Strachey book.
Tuesday, Dec. 5, 1995
It snowed in Paris Tuesday.
Up 8:45. Breakfast McDonald's.
Laundromat, Lucky, checked Thrifty for tissue, none. To Shopper's Corner, got three single packs.
Home, CNN showed marchers in Paris. Cold!! Overcoats, hoods.
Mail, letter from Mina, bill from waste management.
Fixed tuna salad, read papers. Showered, washed hair.
TV: Frost saw before, surfed: Law & Order, Frasier, bed, read.
Wednesday, Dec. 6, 1995
Slept heavy until 4 a.m., back to sleep til 9! Breakfast BK.
Mailed waste payment, put "hold" on mail. Store update, no Nixon stamps.
Home 11:45 a.m.
TV: Some Geraldo, Star Trek, Law & Order, Bio Pretty Boy Floyd.
Bed, couldn't sleep. Watched Nightline, Tom Synder.
Thursday, Dec. 7, 1995
Up 9 a.m. Breakfast Carl's, looked for Lily.
Bought X-Mas cards, batteries; Staples, purse-size calendar.
Lunch here, to mall, paid Penneys, Gottschalk's, Mervyn's.
Some French, watched Star Trek, Law & Order, Bio Bugsy Siegel.
Bed, slept good.
Friday, Dec. 8, 1995
Be ready, stopped mail as of 11th. Decide re traveler's cheques.
Up 8:30, breakfast McDonald's. Credit Union, B of A, got traveler's insurance.
Called Air France, metro running pretty slow!
Called Justine, she home. To bank, $80 to Justine's acct.
Kmart, ate turkey dinner.
X-Files, news. Called Sy.
Saturday, Dec. 9, 1995
Up 9 a.m., breakfast corner.
To Sears, glasses fixed.
Home, French two hours.
Called Justine, talked 45 minutes? Jim/Sharon gave her books and map of Britain.
Sunday, Dec. 10, 1995
Up 7 a.m., shower, more packing.
49ers game, 31-10 vs. Carolina.
Justine called, breakfast Zachary's at 10:45.
Lost Justine, she sightseeing. To arcade for pix.
Drug Emporium, Kmart, got duffel bag.
Home, ran Paris tape. Justine packing.
Dinner Marie Callender's, ate 1/2 pie.
Drove Capitola and Seascape looking at lights, back 7:30 or 8?
More packing. Rain hard 2 to 4 a.m.
Monday, Dec. 11, 1995
Much rain, roads closed, etc.
Justine and I ate at coffee shop. To AAA for travel cheques, Longs, bank.
Home, then to Trader Joe's.
Carol's electricity out, she late, called at 1:30 p.m. Didn't reset clock!
Left Santa Cruz 1:35 p.m., stopped at rest stop, arrived 3:25 p.m.
Air France 4:15 p.m., 767 plane, 2-3-2.
Got money, forgot where I put checks!
Tuesday, Dec. 12, 1995
Overnight on plane, arrived 2:25 p.m. at gate.
Called Andra from baggage, arrived Parnasse at 4 p.m.
Walked to hotel, we stopped for coffee. Got there 6:30 p.m.
Philippe there, did not ask for money.
Rested 1/2 hour, walked. Called Sy 8:30, bed 9.
Justine liked the view from the window.
My journal entry for that day:
I think the first night was the worst. We got off the plane in Paris, dragged all our luggage thru the airport and found an Air France bus that dropped us off in the freezing cold at Montparnasse, and then began our trek to the hotel. But I had to pee like mad, so we found a toilet first, and I met my first Turkish toilet: basically a f--king hole in the ground...
Wednesday, Dec. 13, 1995
Up three times, cold. Breakfast here.
To Seine, looked for boats, found to Bercy. Could not go back, waited 35 mins for another.
To Eiffel Tower, ate at restaurant: Poulet [chicken], frites, coffee, 150 francs.
Walked, took bus. Held up in St. Germain de Pres.
Called Sy, bed.
My journal entry:
The next day started with good, strong coffee and steamed milk made for us by a woman downstairs, plus a baguette and croissant she just bought at a bakery.
My camera broke after three pictures; I tried and tried to fix it, getting more and more frustrated and depressed. We heard there were free boat rides because of the strikes, so we set out to find where they were...
Thursday, Dec. 14, 1995
Slept very well. Breakfast early.
Found photo store, got two cameras.
Walked to Palais Royal, Justine to Pyramid.
To Marks and Spencer, Justine got body suit. My Visa refused!
Walked across to National Assembly, missed one bus, second full, third we pushed lady in fur coat to get on.
Foned Sy, he sick. Cancelled meeting
My journal entry:
We
walked to the Hotel de Ville, going into Notre Dame and looking at the
Louvre from the outside. We walked all the way to the Opera House,
beautiful, then looked at all of the expensive shops on the way back. As we were crossing the bridge
I saw a bus go by and said, "I bet that's ours." But we couldn't make
it to the stop in time, so we stood at the corner, and it started to
snow again. I have never been so cold in my life. One bus stopped and only picked up four of us, so
when another came, we got brutal...
Friday, Dec. 15, 1995
Down Rue Mufftard to Andra's by 11:30, ate quiche.
Walked to Sorbonne, gardens.
Rested a bit, ate at pizza place, spaghetti.
My journal entry:
Friday we were to meet Andra and Lutz at their place at 11:30, so we took the morning walking over and up the hill to their place, stopping at a tea place with another Turkish toilet. But I got used to them; any toilet is good when you really have to go! And once my period was over, everything was fine.
Andra and Lutz's tiny, tiny apartment was up five flights of stairs...
Saturday, Dec. 16, 1995
Four Metro lines running 1-4-7-13. No 2, no Père Lachaise.
To Gore de Nord, closed. Back to Concorde, tired. To hotel, slept.
To Charcuterie, got 1/2 chicken and veggies, custard. Nice.
(Man at McDonald's asked for hamburger, frites).
My journal entry:A few Metro lines were running, but not the one we needed to go to Père Lachaise Cemetery (where Jim Morrison of The Doors and Oscar Wilde are buried.) So we went back to the Place de Concorde, saw some more ritzy shops, and got tired just walking around.
Grandma bought me some scrumptious food at a rotisserie, and another day in Paris was over and I was exhausted.
Sunday, Dec. 17, 1995
Awake at 3 until 5, slept until 7.
Foned Air France, made reservation [in case the Chunnel wasn't running the next day.]
Met Lutz at 9:45, walked to Hotel de Ville, no 2 bus. Back to Le Defense, got coffee.
To Louvre, Mona Lisa, Caravaggio.
Back to hotel 3 p.m., got Quiche Lorraine. Foned Sy, Yvonne.
Justine stayed with Andra and Lutz until late.
My journal entry:
Lutz woke us up at 9:30 and said we could have lunch with them, and actually he would meet us at 10 and go sightseeing with us. We again tried to go to the cemetery, but the 2 wasn't running. We went to La Defense instead, boring, and it was too foggy, and I hate grandma with them. She doesn't know them very well and is not relaxed.
The Louvre was open so we went inside, and we found the Mona Lisa, and the Winged Victory and the Venus de Millo. Really snore -- there was so much else to see.
Monday, Dec. 18, 1995
Lucky, Strike over, Eurostar running! Tried to cancel flights, couldn't, computer down.
Got 9:09 a.m. train, change clock one hour.
Got to hotel, terrible! But had to pay 3 nites, so stuck!
Went to Harrod's, got travel pillow. Justine lost one on plane over.
Leichester Square, many students.
Hotel 6 p.m. Me sleep, Justine TV.
(Note to herself at the top: Before leaving Victoria Station, buy "What's on in London," or "Time Out.")
My journal entry:
I
was fearing the worst, but grandma spoke to me right off in the
morning, and I avoided mentioning Andra and Lutz because she changed the
subject immediately. So not to stoke the fire, I tread carefully and it
was never mentioned again. She sulked and got over it, I guess.
We
had gotten up as early as possible that morning because we needed to
get to London. Grandma had made flight reservations for us at 2 p.m. in
case the Chunnel (Eurostar) wasn't running, but we went to Gare du Nord
first in case it was.
Tuesday, Dec. 19. 1995
Awake 2 a.m., sat in toilet doing money. Bed til 4, up, shower, dressed.
Breakfast 8 a.m., post office, wrote Sy, Yvonne. Justine got camera.
To Victoria Station, Justine took tour, me to Buckingham Palace.
Got postcards at National Gallery, met Justine for lunch there.
Justine back on tour, me to Wallace collection.
Ate at Pub, "Kings Head." Back 7:30 p.m.
My journal entry:
The next day we found out what breakfast was like. We got coffee right away -- Nescafe, of course -- and some Tang! The orange juice was Tang. Then, all the toast you could eat. Just a pile of jams, butter and hot toast. Grandma reached for her knife and it was stuck to the tablecloth! But, anyway, it was food, and you didn't have to go out into the cold to get it. More.
Wednesday, Dec. 20, 1995
Up early, washed t-shirts. To London Dungeon, power out.
To Southwark Cathedral, beautiful. Got cards.
Back to London Dungeon, still out of power.
To St Paul's, just looked.
Ate at pub "Finch." Good, dinner 4.50 each.
To London Dungeon, problems with Tube, bank out.
Hotel at 5:30, out for money, again to call Sandra. Out, recording.
Called again at 8 p.m., she home.
Justine met Rebecca, me read paper, slept.
My journal entry:
The next morning it was toast and coffee and we set out for the "London Dungeon." We found it easy enough, but when we got there they said they'd had a power failure due to "too many executions."
So we took a bus to the Southwark Cathedral, and it was very interesting. Some of the plaques for the dead people were incredible, especially one for a 12-year-old girl: "She came, she saw, she didn't like it," and a shrine to William Shakespeare. And we got to hear some Christmas carols being rehearsed with the organ, beautiful.
But,
of course, grandma continued to bombard me with tales and questions,
even though it was obvious I was listening to, and enjoying, the music. I
have never wanted to be in my own thoughts more, and have never been
denied them more, than on this trip.
Thursday, Dec. 21, 1995
Up 8, breakfast. Talked to American from Kansas City. His son goes to school here.Foned for car, not available. Called travel agency, Hertz manager, made reservation.
Raining, to Metro, to Heathrow. Got Fiat Punto.
Made reservation for B&B, got there at 2:15 p.m. Roundabouts.
Nice place, made reservation for 26th. Walked to pub for dinner.
My recollections: I don't have a journal entry for this day, but I remember that drive from the airport as being very frustrating, what with driving on the left side of the road and trying to navigate the roundabouts. I very much wanted the signs to have the names of the city you were heading to, but they only had the names of the roads, which were useless to me.
Friday, Dec. 22, 1995
Justine woke ILL. To Oxford at 9 a.m., got there at 10.
Walked around, lovely grounds. Had coffee and pie. Justine got Mechele a tea pot.
To Sandra's, Justine found way. Called from Texaco Station, "Weak Bridge."
Many cars, day off.
Had salmon for dinner, watched "Red Dwarf.
Bed 9:30, slept til 3:30.
My recollections:
I
woke up with a cold and did not want to get out of bed. I remember staring out of the window in misery and my grandmother being annoyed. "I certainly hope you're not too sick to drive." So, I got up and drove us.
The day got much better, though, because when we were trying to find her friend Sandra's house, I pulled over at a gas station to call her and said we were at "Weak Bridge."
"You're where?" she said, sounding very confused. Then I burst out laughing.
"Grandma, that's not the name of the bridge. It's just telling us it's a 'weak bridge!'"
We both laughed so hard the clerk at the gas station thought we were crazy. That is my second favorite memory of her. My definite favorite was later that day at Sandra's house, where she became a woman who giggled, a woman with flushed cheeks and shining eyes, a woman who patted my leg like my mother had.
Saturday, Dec. 23, 1995 Up 7:30, shower, washed hair. Fixed coffee, toast. Balanced money.
Sandra down, talked a bit. Justine down, more coffee.
Sandra called many places, settled on one in Costwold, Old Nelson Premier Lodge.
Near Tesco store, large, well-stocked.
Ate at restaurant, washed some things.
Bed early, TV, "Sleepless in Seattle."
Redid suitcase, pressed pants.
Sunday, Dec. 24, 1995
Up 7:30, breakfast, bath.
Got petrol first time, 9.66 litres.
To hardware store, got padlock.
To Bath 11 a.m., walked to Roman Bath Museum, got mementos, etc.
To Hole in Wall. Expensive. [Hole in the Wall was a place my grandfather recommended.]
Tea at Pump Room, got plate, tea and oil lamp. Justine got mug, plates, key ring.
Started back at 4:30, foggy, dangerous, 30 mph.
TV, Secret Garden, Mrs. Doubtfire.
My journal entry:
It's Christmas Eve. We're right above the bar, I can hear everyone laughing and celebrating, grandma snoring.
I
deserve a bloody medal for my driving today. We drove home 30 miles
from Bath in pea soup fog. First, I had to find the parking garage, then
find the way back to Stroud, then lead 25 cars over the hills when you
couldn't see your hand in front of you. Scary. Every time cars came the
other way, the road disappeared. It was f--king hell.
Then
I had to figure out where our hotel was, without a map or any signs to
help, just by memory, and when we got back grandma said, "You're a
wonder."
Monday, Dec. 25, 1995
Breakfast 9ish, walked to park. Stratford.
Car windows all frosted, man from Houston in car park had scraper; he here to visit mother.
He scraped windows, we drove to Bristol and back. Stopped at one pub, no room.
To hotel, got big dinner, two glasses of wine.
TV, La Boheme.
My recollections:
I
remember we had nowhere
to eat that day because it was Christmas and we had not made reservations,
but the hotel graciously squeezed us in and we had a very nice
dinner with sparkling wine and crackers to pull.
I
remember feeling so happy and relieved, but I'm sure it was much more
than grandma wanted to spend for a meal!
Tuesday, Dec. 26, 1995
Up 8, repacked. Had frost again.
Checked out 10 a.m., got gas and food in country, nice inn.
Took M4 to Windsor Castle, closed for Boxing Day.
Cold, ate soup, fish and chips.
To B&B, Justine found OK.
Watched TV, cold then too hot. Slept fitfully, 3-4 hours in all.
My recollections:
Unfortunately, we had trouble
finding food the next day, too, because we didn't know that the day
after Christmas, Boxing Day, is also a holiday in Great Britain, and
that morning all we had to eat was a box of biscuits grandma bought at a
grocery store earlier in the week. But the struggles on trips create
the best stories, and the most satisfying feelings afterward when you
overcome them.
I am so grateful for that trip with my grandmother, the
good times and the bad. And now every time I travel, there is always
extra food stashed in my purse!
Wednesday, Dec. 27, 1995
To Heathrow, return car, plane at 1:15 p.m.
Me up 7:30, Justine up 8. Breakfast at 9, served by man of the house.
I cleaned off car, light snow.
To petrol, 10.99 litres, £6.06
Checked car in 10:10 a.m., airport shuttle 10:40.
Checked bags, got coffee. Waited.
Plane's carriage improper, changed planes, given 8 francs for drinks.
Carol met us at 8:20, home 10 p.m.
Thursday, Dec. 28, 1995
Awake 4 a.m., Ray T. Poet's Notes.
Worked on money, all balanced.
Breakfast Zachary's [She only ate there with me].
To post office to get mail, to bank to deposit unused traveler's checks.
Got gas, to Clothes Closet, check for $53.50
Walked to beach with Justine, she to meet Mechele. Me to sort mail, do checkbook, etc.
Tired. Bed 6 p.m. Justine called at 10:30, arrived SLO.
Friday, Dec. 29, 1995
Ray T, Band Note. Listened 1 - 5 a.m., good sounds.
Breakfast BK, to Kinkos, took pix, Visa and Chunnel tickets. Also court reply.
To bank, crowded. Home, sent $513.33 to Justine, cashed $53.50.
To Albertsons, home, lunch.
Then bed in front [the pull-out sofa I slept on].
Slept, up occasionally, 9:30 to 12:30 a.m.
Saturday, Dec. 30, 1995
Up 1 a.m., ate some soup, toast. Wrote this.
Watched "Death of a Nation," worked crossword. No sleep but rested a bit.
Up 6:15 a.m., got sheets from front for wash, Justine's towel and nightgown.
Ate McDonald's, laundromat.
Home 8:45, wrote Justine.
Some football, Bills over Miami, Lions vs. Eagles, high score.
Cleaned lawn of mushrooms.
Watched Star Trek, taped Mozart.
Sunday, Dec. 31, 1995
Slept til 3 a.m., dressed, ate cereal, banana.
Wrote two letters, to post office. Also ate at Jefferys.
To lighthouse, sea was beautiful.
"Wally's" board loose, into rocks.
