My Grandmother’s Journals: July, 1997

My grandmother, right, camping in Mexico in the 1950s.

In July of 1997, my 82-year-old grandmother was watching tennis, researching the Mars Pathfinder and keeping up on the health of everyone in her life, especially her neighbors and the people she talked to at the donut shop near her house. 

 

But something happened at the shop this month that upset her, and she abruptly stopped her daily visits. 

 

I remember being sad at the time when I learned she was no longer going there, because it seemed like such a big part of her life. I never learned exactly what happened, because she wouldn't talk about it. 

 

June entries.

Tuesday, July 1, 1997

To laundromat. Warm.

Tennis: Hingis, Becker won.

To Live Oak, Alice on vacation.

Walked on cliff.

Stopped at Vibol’s for apple juice, donut.

TV: News, Frost, Law & Order.

 

Wednesday, July 2, 1997

Awake 7:30, up 9. Warm.

To Trader Joe’s. 

To Vibol’s. He reminisced, Buddhism.

To show, “Face-off.” 2 hrs, 20 mins. Thriller. Director James Woo. Much special effects.

Ate KFC.

TV: Nickelodeon, Lucy, Bewitched.

Slept good.

Robert Mitchum died, lung cancer, emphysema. Heavy smoker, 79.

 

Thursday, July 3, 1997

Longs, BP.

Vibol’s. Tea, no coffee. 

Tennis: Good matches. Becker announced no more Wimbledon.

Ironed, cleaned windows of car, front door.

TV: Diagnosis Murder, St. Elsewhere.

Jimmy Stewart died. 89. “Heart attack.”

 

Friday, July 4, 1997

Sleep not great. 

Tennis: Sampras vs. Woodbridge, Woodbridge rallied very good in third set. 

Folded plastic bags to give to thrift shop. 

Washed car, some nicks.

Man next door a Mason.

Dina Ruiz on Ch. 8

Saturday, July 5, 1997

Tennis: Tuned in about 7, after first set.

Longs, BP.

Vibol’s. Clayton in. Gets MRI Monday.

Mailed card to Prudy.

Cats in back last night.

Tired, rest 4 to 5.

TV: Bio of Jimmy Stewart, Robert Mitchum.

Monday, July 7, 1997

Slept good. 

Ronn gone, back tomorrow.

To Vibol’s. In paper today, “Confusion in Cambodia.”

To Gottschalk’s, looked for “dicky” denim blue. None.

Wrote Mina, long, re: Vibol, Cambodia, Earl Woods, Wimbledon.

Mail:  Card from Justine with copy of graduation announcement.

To Kmart, ate chicken sandwich.

Called Justine, left message on machine.

TV: Cybill, news.

Tuesday, July 8, 1997

Stayed in bed til 9:15.

To Vibol’s. Monie there, I read Chronicle to her.

To library, got book on Malta.

Wrote Justine.

Checked Goodwill, walked to St. Vincent’s. Got gold holder for $3. Tax, .24.

TV: Law & Order, Inspector Morse, ST Next Generation.

 

Wednesday, July 9, 1997

To Vibol’s after vacuuming chair.

To show, “Men in Black.” Good, funny.

To Wendy’s.

To Longs, got TV Guide.

Home, Sandra called again!  Returned call.

Called library re Pathfinder: left Earth 12/4/96, Mars 7/4/97. Seven months.

Thursday, July 10, 1997

Prudy and Hugh anniversary.

To Longs, checked BP.

To Vibol’s, told him about Pathfinder.

Wrote Prudy.

Mail: Notice from DMV, no proof of insurance. Showed them, with copy I sent. Got sticker, also booklet to study.

Some Dodgers vs. Giants, 11-0.

Friday, July 11, 1997

To Longs, BP.

To Vibol’s, he had pain in head.

To Venetian Hotel for brochure. 

To Ross, got necklace (2), earrings.

To marina, got ice cream.

Dodgers over Giants 6-1. Nomo MVP.

Saturday, July 12, 1997

To Vibol’s, he seems OK.

Looked in thrift stores for stool.

Home, ate.

Got migraine medicine for Vibol.

Dodgers lost to Giants, 6-3.

 

Monday, July 14, 1997

To Longs. Man at BP worried about pressure. Alcohol on breath.

To Vibol’s, he looks good.

To dentist 1 p.m. “Debbie,” new, good. No exam.

To Kmart, Got stool, cut legs? Ate turkey sandwich.

TV: New, Poirot, “Indochine.” French, Catherine Denevue, good. 

Tuesday, July 15, 1997

To Longs for paper, BP.

To St. Vincent de Paul’s. Got two chairs, blue and brown plush.

To library. Read about films, migraine.

Home: News, baseball, bed.

 

Wednesday, July 16, 1997

To Longs, got more cans of Mandarins, TV Guide.

To Vibol’s, he not there.

Housework, vacuumed.

Weather funny, tropical fog.

Dusted, put label on African statue, cat.

Nothing much on TV.

 

Thursday, July 17, 1997

Breakfast Kmart. 

Went to San Lorenzo lumber to see if legs on stool can be cut. 

There were small stools, got one, $11.

To show, “Contact.”

To Kmart, returned stool. Ate chicken sandwich, ice cream!

TV: “Fresh Prince,” Diagnosis Murder, ST Next Generation.

Friday, July 18, 1997

Laundromat, two batches of blue things: Sweatshirt, bathrobe, purple suit.

Longs for BP.

Five & Dime: Got deodorant, face liquid, hand creme.

New glasses ready, late to get.

Watched “Eyewitness,” William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, James Wood. 

Saturday, July 19, 1997

British Open.

To Vibol’s, said head hurt. Monie angry, snatched package with migraine medicine.

To library, looked up pneumonia.

To show, “Pillow Book.” Japanese, calligraphy. Great color, photo, split screen?

Five & Dime: Took back polish remover, got eye shadow.

TV: News, The Pale Horse.

Sunday, July 20, 1997

British Open

To OSH, got lawn sprinkler for Miracle Gro.

To Longs for BP.

Home, watered lawn., fertilized.

Oscar & Lois came by, talked a bit.

Showered, washed hair. 

TV: 60 Minutes, Star Trek Voyager.

Tuesday, July 22, 1997

Longs for BP, TV Guide, strawberries.

To show, “Men in Black.” 2nd time.

Ate Burger King.

Mail: Card from Justine.

TV: Frasier, Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: TNG.

Wednesday, July 23, 1997

Ate here.

To Longs, machine off.

Walked on East Cliff.

To Nob Hill, no BP machine at Nob Hill?

TV: Dodgers vs. Mets. Part of Law & Order.

Cunanan’s body found in houseboat.

 

Thursday, July 24, 1997

Ate here.

Watched Miami news. Chief of police, no info. Too many newspapers, media.

To Longs, BP machine OK.

To Ross, got Barrette. Should be silver.

Got new rug.

Washed black top.

Dodgers vs. Mets, 3-1.

Friday, July 25, 1997

To Longs, BP.

To Gottschalk’s, bought 3 items. Two sport tops, 1 blue for skirt, 1 beige for pants.

Home, ate corn.

To Live Oak, got chicken, had ice cream!

TV: Giants lost, Dodgers won. Inside the Actor's Studio, Billy Crystal. Funny.

Saturday, July 26, 1997

Bomb at SFO? Traffic delay.

Finished crossword.

To Longs for BP, paper.

To library: Time magazine, Barrows.

Woolworth’s. Got new blinds, mousse, hairspray.

TV: “Love Potion No. 9,” Sandra Bullock.

Not good sleep. Took hot milk, melatonin.

Sunday, July 27, 1997

Wharf to Wharf. What traffic!

To post office for check to IRS. Man hemmed me in.

Gottschalk’s, 10% off.

Worked on files.

To show, “Airforce One.” Good. Escape pod?

TV: News, Siskel & Ebert, 60 Minutes, “The Presidio.”

 

Monday, July 28, 1997

Changed bed.

Got clothes ready for laundromat.

Took Larry to Live Oak to see new carts for waste!

Some yard work.

Shower, hair.

Justine called, got her raise. Move to apartment?
Ate Carl’s. Bacon! Cheese.

Papers, crossword.

Tuesday, July 29, 1997

Breakfast here. 

Laundromat, BP.

Ironed tops, fertilized lawn.

Woolworth’s, got file folders, stapler, Dristan, pens.

To show, “English Patient.” Still don’t know all they say.

TV: Frasier, NOVA.

 

Wednesday, July 30, 1997

Tea, Cereal.

Called Schwab 9 a.m., sell GTE, 46 5/8.

To longs, Post Office.

To Live Oak, sat with Jim and 4 ladies. Man from Florida there.

 

Thursday, July 31, 1997

Good sleep.

Bombing in Israel. 

Breakfast Kmart. No razors.

Drug Emporium, got razors, hair items.

Read papers, ate, etc. Some more work on files.

Wrote Mina? Maybe Wed.

TV: Mystery, Poirot, ST: TNG.

 

August entries. 

 

More on my grandmother: In 1997, she was living alone in a mobile home park in Santa Cruz, Calif., but I wouldn't describe her as lonely. She was an extremely independent and persnickety woman whom I never knew to live with another person or even a pet. (I wrote more about her life in an earlier post.) 

 

Thanksgiving at the donut shop with grandma

Meal time at grandma's orphanage in Covina, Calif.

Every afternoon my grandmother walked to the donut shop down the street for some coffee and conversation with the other regulars who felt like family. And they must have felt like family to the owners as well, because they hosted holiday meals for them. And one Thanksgiving, my grandmother invited me to join the gathering at the donut shop.

That was cool.

I don’t remember spending any Thanksgivings with my grandmother as a child. Likely because she lived in Southern California most of the years my parents were raising my sister and me near Santa Cruz, but also I’m not sure that holiday was very important to her. She didn’t like to bake or cook at all, and never seemed comfortable at social gatherings, especially those with family.

 

I was never really close to my grandmother, always too afraid of her temper and criticism to relax. But the years I was in college we came the closest to being friends, talking on the phone and writing letters at least once a week, and visiting each other several times a year.

My last year of college, I drove up from campus to stay with her in Santa Cruz (where she had moved to when I was a teenager) during my holiday break, so we were both invited to the donut shop that Thanksgiving.

Grandma with my cat the year we ate at the donut shop.

She didn’t cook anything to bring; most of what she made in the kitchen was canned soup, toast and tea. But she did buy a pumpkin pie at Trader Joe’s, put on hose and her best hat, and seemed very happy to introduce me to her family at the donut shop. I think she was quite proud that I was finally completing a university degree as my mother had, especially since for years it seemed I would never move on from community college.

 

I remember feeling proud of her that day, and happy she had found that family at the donut shop. Orphaned by the Spanish flu and raised in a Masonic home until she was 18, my grandmother had struggled ever since to maintain intimate relationships.

She never married or even had long-term romantic relationship, but she did have a daughter whom she raised as a single working mother in the 1940s and 50s. As adults they always had a tense relationship, but my grandmother deeply loved her only child, and was quietly devastated when she was killed in a car crash at the age of 41.

 

From a mostly respectful distance, my grandmother did all she could to make sure my sister and I were taken care of after the crash, especially financially since my mother had been the breadwinner. But for the nearly five decades that I knew my grandmother, everyone in her life seemed to be kept very carefully at arm’s length.

Which is why I think she sought out places like the donut shop, where you could sit and soak in other humans as much, or as little, as you wanted. And then leave whenever you wanted.

At the orphanage in Southern California where she was raised, the dozens of children ate all their meals together in a large dining room. I imagine for my grandmother, eating and drinking in a communal setting like the donut shop must have felt like home, giving her the kind of intimacy she was most comfortable with.

 

But the donut shop was even better, because she was always able to choose whom to sit next to and for how long, usually recording in her daily journals whom she talked with and what they discussed. 

One day it was the woman who “also likes Opera and loves to travel.” Another the man who was unhappy because his dog ran away and his wife was smoking too much. One afternoon she talked to “men, one named Bruce,” about “films and olden times,” and later that week the same men helped her solve car trouble, suggesting she use a hair dryer on her distributor when the engine wouldn’t turn over on cold mornings.

Learning my grandmother had such a support system that day made me so relieved. And to wish that we can all find a donut shop of our own.