Laughing with my sister: Why I will always love Bob Newhart

Me and Bob in Chicago, 2010.

I loved walking in Chicago, especially on the paths near Lake Michigan. And one of my absolute favorite spots along those shores was where I met Bob Newhart.

Well, at least a bronze version of Newhart, sitting in a sofa chair on Navy Pier, looking both attentive and relaxed while flashing his warm smile that helps me feel more relaxed every time I see it, even on a statue. 

So of course I sat down with him, and had it been the real Bob, I could have told him how I loved listening to his comedy routines with my sister, because they were one of the few things we could agree on.

 

As complete opposites with little in common, we only played together because we were desperate for entertainment without a television in the house. And one day while digging through our parents’ records for anything worth playing, we found “The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart.”

That was cool.

Because listening to one of the routines on that album, “Driving Instructor,” created some of my favorite memories with my sister: Us not only both laughing, but both completely overcome with the same silent, seizure-like laughter that no one else I knew had. 

And while anyone watching might have thought we were convulsing with extreme pain instead of extreme merriment, I knew our bellies were shaking and our eyes were watering from joy. Finally, we had more in common than boredom. Finally, we felt like sisters.

So decades later when I found a Bob Newhart album when flipping through records at a library sale earlier this year, I could not resist buying it when I saw its tracks included my favorite routine. 

And in honor of Newhart’s death this week at the age of 94, I broke out “The Best of Bob Newhart” and listened to the entire record, not only finding my old favorite just as funny, but maybe even a new favorite: “King Kong.”

That was super cool.

Rest in Peace, Bob. And thanks for the “extreme merriment!”

Finding peace after pain: The walk that helped me heal after the sudden death of sweet Sasquatch

Smiling under the Cool Oaks. (Credit: Nathan DeHart)

The morning after my cat Sasquatch died, a friend suggested we walk at the Abhayagiri Monastery in Redwood Valley, Calif.

That was cool.

 

Because I can’t think of a better place to heal after that horrific night, which wasn’t the first time I lost a pet, but it was the first time one keeled over from a heart attack right in front of me and died howling on the kitchen floor.

 

And I was especially heartsick that Sasquatch, the most forgiving soul I’ve ever lived with, spent his last moments in such agony, his sweet face forever frozen in a scream.

 

But I was soon grateful for two things: First and foremost, that his pain ended very quickly; second, that my pain was eased as soon as I stepped onto the paths at the monastery. 

 

And while I find all trails lined with trees, flowers and water to be restorative potions, the monastery’s mix of nature was a particularly potent brew, with the warm hug offered at Sun Meadow, the soothing waterfalls at Hawaii, and, my favorite, the Cool Oaks, which did what I thought would be impossible that day: made me smile and even laugh a little.

 

Photo by Nathan DeHart

Another blessing about that walk was how it filled me with curiosity about the place I just fallen in love with: Who made these awesome trails? Who named that lush corner Hawaii? And, most urgent: Did the Cool Oaks earn their name because the trail is much cooler under them, or because they’re, you know, just really cool?!

Fortunately, a kind person named Nyaniko, one of the senior monks at Abhayagiri Monastery, answered all my questions, explaining that “the trails were built by the monastic community over many years, with help from both hired workers and volunteers, and we maintain them ourselves as part of our monastic lifestyle.”

As for the Cool Oaks, that spot “got its name because in the summer it would be about 20 degrees cooler there, with its year-round stream, and it has some very large oak trees.”

 

“Hawaii got its name because my parents lived in Hawaii for 15 years, and the two streams coming together with the moss reminded me of some places in Hawaii.”

 

Coolest of all, though, is how Nyaniko told me that while the trails “are entirely on our (private property), about 10 years ago we decided to allow people to come and walk on the trails, to enjoy the beautiful nature and wildlife within the monastery boundary.”

And I could not be more grateful for that. Because now whenever I think of Sasquatch again, I can picture those Cool Oaks above me and smile. 

And yes, I like to think that makes Squatchy smile, too.

 

Cool update: A former co-worker read this piece and reminded me of the time his dear dog keeled over suddenly while sitting with him on the couch, then died on the way to the vet clinic. I remember my co-worker coming back to the office afterward, then hearing him sob at his desk with his shoulders shaking.

"Justine, you came to my desk and consoled me and rubbed my back. I will never forget that day and your kindness."

My Grandmother's Journals: July, 1999. "Triscuits on sale. Got a mango."

Welcome to my anti-anxiety medication: my grandmother’s journals. Because reading all the details of her days, the minutiae of what she ate and what she watched on TV, is to me both fascinating and soothing, the perfect antidote to stress, worry and frustration — which we all seem to have far too much of these days!

In July of 1999, she was an 83-year-old woman living alone in a trailer park, but she wasn’t sad, and neither was her home. Because she was the most fiercely independent person I have ever known, living near one of the coolest places I’ve ever seen: Pleasure Point in Santa Cruz, Calif. 

 

And nearly every day she walked the cliffs along the ocean, looking out for the surfers who loved that spot, too. 

That was cool 

 

And man, that life of walking near the ocean, going to the donut shop for some coffee and a treat before heading to the movies sounds just about perfect right about now.

(I wrote more about her life in this post)

 

Also in July of 1999, grandma was watching soccer, tennis, going to see “Notting Hill” in the theater again and yet again for a total of eight times, even more than the previous record of six times for "Shakespeare in Love." 

 

 

And wait — chatting up a guy nearly half her age at the library, for an hour?!

 

Now that was super cool.

 

June entries.

 

Thursday, July 1, 1999

Up four times!

Up 7:30, usual breakfast. Chores.

Walked on cliff, forgot where I parked.

To Nob Hill, had Triscuits on sale.  Got a mango.

To Orchard for mender hose.

Ate here. Worked on the hose, not easy.

Read papers, watched soccer. U.S. won 3-2 over Germany. First goal for Germany was by U.S.! Clintons attended. 

Tennis: Steffi Graf over V. Williams, 6/3, 3/6, [?]

Mail: Letter from Stimson!

Bed, crossword til 12:30.

 

Friday, July 2, 1999

Up 7, usual breakfast.

Watered, but hose came apart. Get money back?

Walked on cliff.  

Got hose and shoes at Kmart.

To donut shop. Man with British accent there, talked about an hour! Exchanged email addresses. He 53, has 20-year-old and 8-year-old. Divorced.

To library for Internet. Message from Carla, replied. Problems with mouse! on computer.

Got books regarding partials and bridges. (2) 

Home, shoes two lefts. Back to Kmart, got a right. Talked to woman with diabetes & her husband.

Bed  late. Struggled with hose.

 

Saturday, July 3, 1999

Awake 3:30. Ate apple, ginger tea.

Up 6:15, Agassi won, Sampras and Steffi won.

Out to get paper, also got under house. Hose over one pipe and under another.

Got enzymes.

TV: History, recorded Bye, Bye Birdie.

Girls came back. 

 

Notes at the top of the page:

Sampras to be 29 in August, Andre 29 now, Stefi 30.

Sunday, July 4, 1999

Up 5 a.m. Electricity off. Back on by 6 for tennis.

Lindsay won, 6/4, 7/5,  Sampras beat Agassi, 6/4, 6/4, 7/5.

Wrote Myra.

Shower/hair after soccer. U.S. won 2-0 over Brazil. Much elbowing, fouling. Second goal by a free kick because Mia Hamm was fouled.

Larry dumped garbage can again, looking for a key! He took back a pair of shoes.

TV: Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Monday, July 5, 1999

Up 5:30. Ate hot cereal. Ready by 9:30.

Washed floors, swept. Larry out.

To Ocean via post office, mailed letter to Myra.

To Kmart, got Brylcreem, soup, apricots.

To show, “Notting Hill.” 4th time.

Home. Emily’s friend discussed Maria and Larry, not pleasant.

Walked Capitola. Hot. 

Tuesday, July 6, 1999

Up 6 a.m. First heat, usual breakfast.

Walked on cliff.

To bank, got $300. Balanced checks.

Fertilized lawn, watched news, read papers.

To library, messages from Justine and Carla.

TV: Diagnosis Murder. 

Read papers, did crossword.

Wednesday, July 7, 1999

Up 7, usual breakfast.

To Kmart first, changed 25' hose to 50' hose. Got gas also. $9.96.

To library, read Mt. Sinai.

Stopped by Ramirez’ for info on acrylic.

Home, ate. Called Schwab. Sold 101 shares. 

Maria and E’s friend are cleaning shed.

TV: News, reruns started. Lehrer, Law & Order.

Bed, but crossword.

News: Caught Gaston, almost killed two girls.

Thursday, July 8, 1999

Up 6:30, walked cliff. Cutting trees at O’Neill's. He also offering cancer screening. Some surfer died. (Sky or Sy)

To Albertsons, got fruit, etc.

Home 10:10 a.m. TV, wrote Prudy.

To show, “The General's Daughter.” Exciting.

Lunch KFC in Aptos.

To Drug Emporium, BP & TV Guide.

Home 4:20 p.m. Eyes hurt, rested.

Crossword, news. (Carrie called).

Friday, July 9, 1999

Up 6:30, breakfast usual. 

Watered east, back. Washed car.

Walked on cliff. Skye Sanders, surfer died of skin cancer.

Mina called, returned called.

Tried dentist, just voicemail.

Sorted shoe boxes.

TV: News, Lehrer.

Bed 9:15, crossword, paper.

Sleep about 9:30-12:30-2:30

 

Saturday, July 10, 1999

Awake 6:30, usual breakfast.

Walked cliff.

To Ross, looked at bras.

To town, gave bags to thrift shop.

To show, “An Ideal Husband.” Trouble with audio.

Home, soccer. USA won 5/4 on free kicks.

TV: News, etc. Reruns.

Bed early?

 

Sunday, July 11, 1999

To McDonald's, ate muffin.

To show, “Arlington Road.” Enjoyed, but Siskel & Ebert said “no.” Last 20 minutes bad, not logical.

Home, ate here. Ellie outside, said Freda had operation, cancer removed. Size of pea, not walnut.

Ellie said Larry in back, lost something! Called Myra, she called daughter in Monterey. Got better info.

TV: X-Files, reading.

Put Weed-Be-Gone on Ellie’s weeds.

Monday, July 12, 1999

Dentist 9 a.m. Cleaning and crown.

Up 6, breakfast. $10 left.

Early at dentist. Hole in permanent crown, has to go back. Cleaning with "Tanya?"

To Kmart, lunch.

Home, TV.

Mail: Letter from Mina.

To Longs, got envelopes. 

Walked on cliff.

To New Leaf for cheese and tea.

Home, news. Bed early, 8:30. Good sleep.

 

Tuesday, July 13, 1999

Up 6, usual breakfast.

To laundromat. Only “client” a worker. Bicyclist watching TV, then left.

Home, wrote Myra. To post office, $2.53.

To Drug Emporium, got TV Guide. To McDonald’s for coffee.

To Ross, tried on bras. Bought a sports bra.

Mail: Visa bill with a charge 59.95. Called #800. Called Visa and sent letter to Phoenix with copy to Better Business Bureau. To Longs for copies.

Home, foned for check. To be sent tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 14, 1999

Up 5, then 8. Walked on cliff.

To Kmart, looked for 38C bra. Got a Hanes 38C box, has wrong items.

To library after donut/coffee.

To show, “Ideal Husband.” Enjoyed, I think, but thought about bad breath, etc. Takes place in 1895.

Home, ate, read papers.

Some TV: Due South, Lehrer.

Bed early, crossword.

Thursday, July 15, 1999

Up 7, breakfast. Watered.

Worked on Ellie’s weeds.

Wrote TCI. To Longs, took pix. Mailed letter.

To bank, got balance.

To Kmart.

Home, news.

To dentist, was cancelled.

Back home, news, Lehrer, golf.

To bed, baseball: Giants 9, A’s 11: 9th inning, home run, 3.

Friday, July 16, 1999

Up 7, breakfast usual.

Ready 10, walked cliff.

To library, opens 12. To donut shop.

Parked across from thrift, gave donation: White pants, dark pants, two underpants? 40C bra!

Read a bit.

To show, “Tea With Mussolini.” Good. Maggie Smith, Cher, Lily Tomlin, Judi Dench.

Mail: Letter from Myra, check from Schwab.

TV: News, Law & Order, X-Files. 

Saturday, July 17, 1999

JFK Jr. missing in plane, wife and her sister.

4:08 a.m. Larry out on back porch, to “See what neighbors are doing.”

To bank, deposited check.

To Nob Hill, got peaches.

To McDonald's, crowded. 

Home. 11:50 a.m., Coast Guard confirmed debris as Piper Saratoga.

Ate here, watched TV.

Walked on cliff, accident there. Man needed help. Two fire engines, police carried out on stretcher.

Bed early.

Sunday, July 18, 1999

Up 6:30, usual breakfast. Chores.

Takes about 1 hour to make bed, dress, brush teeth, etc.

To Ocean Street donut, read papers.

To show, “Notting Hill.” (5th)

Lunch KFC.

Home 3:30. Scots won British Open. Frenchman had great sense of humor, said he made friends in Scotland.

Taped Ebert, watched 60 Minutes. Ran “Eyes Wide Shut.” OK.

 

Monday, July 19, 1999

Up 6:45, usual breakfast.

8:30 -9, worked in Ellie’s yard. Pulled up dried dandelions.

Called Treasury, then stopped. Called to talk.

Cleaned stereo, worked on system a bit. Radio good, but turntable and tape no good.

Lunched here.

Called back Treasury, bought $6,000 2-year notes.

Mail: Master, Fone, Coca-Cola, Elder Hostel.

TV: News, Lehrer, Poirot.

Called dentist, crown not there. Need compression of upper right.

Tired. bed early.

Tuesday, July 20, 1999

Shower first, ate Burger King. Bad.

Home message from Carrie, also from Myra. She liked ginger tea.

Took stereo to Goodwill.

To dentist for impression.

Walked cliff. Could see Monterey, unusual. 

Back to dentist at 3, another impression. New appointment 8/4. (Losing money on me.)

Home, news. Nothing on JFK Jr. No plane, some debris.

TV: L&O, X-Files.

 

Wednesday, July 21, 1999

Up 6:30, news: JFK Jr. body found (2 a.m. Pacific Time).

Breakfast, chores.

To Gottschalk’s, bo’t 3 pair pants.

To donut shop after walk. 

To library, message from Carla. Downloaded text on spironolactone, 9 pages.

Home, Larry wanted to put something in my shed.

JFK Jr. girls recovered.

TV: Due South, Lehrer.

Bed, crossword.

11 p.m. news, birth of baby giraffe.

 

Thursday, July 22, 1999

No sleep til 1:30. Took pill.

Up 8. Watered grass, cut plant back. 

Drug Emporium for diuretics, Gingko. 

Kmart for lunch. groceries.

TV: Murder She Wrote. Cleaned out shoes, five pair to thrift, keep some.

Called Stimson to say "Bon voyage." He leaves 3 p.m. Taking limousine to airport at Phila, sister also taking limousine.

TV: Due South, Lehrer, Diagnosis Murder.

Bed, read.

Friday, July 23, 1999

Up 8. No milk, eggs poached.

Wrote Sy, sent newspaper articles.

To Gottschalk's after donut/coffee. Got brown top.

To Scotts Valley, got ice cream. Saw "Notting Hill." 6th. Look for She!

traffic heavy on way back via Glen Canyon.

To Albertsons: Milk, peaches, bananas, yogurt.

TV: "River of No Return" til 11.

Bed, crossword.

Saturday, July 24, 1999

Slept til 7:30. Usual breakfast.

Very crowded at 41st.  

To Longs, Xerox out. Got paper.

To Gottschalk’s, no bras. Got “Secret Credit”10%

McDonald's for coffee.

To library, searched for plastic implants.

Home, ate, crossword, etc.

Walked cliff, 8 to 8:30.

Taped “Thin Man,” “Another Thin Man.” Corny now.

Bed 12.

Sunday, July 25, 1999

Awake 7, rested til 8.

Some chores. Shower, hair.Where are two cleansing creams?

Tennis in Italy. Venus 6/1, 6/1. Serena 6/1, 6/1.

Replied to Margie’s invite: No.

Longs, BP, got new toe nail clipper & 2 cans of soup.

To JC Penney, got bras. (2) 38D. Woman was in cafeteria of Kmart 15 years. (Made soup wrong).

To Kinkos, 2 copies. Mailed to DMV.  Renewal! Overpaid $3.

Myra called. Talked 1 1/2 hours.

Bed, tired. Good sleep!

Monday, July 26, 1999

Awake 7:30. Breakfast usual.

Wrote Justine, paid MasterCard. 

To Vitamin Center, no lemon ginger.

To Ocean Street donut, read papers.

To library, got pix of Mercury News article

Home, Murder She Wrote.

Walked cliff.

To Staff of Life, got Lemon Ginger and Yogi Cinnamon.

TV: News, Due South, very funny.

Found Cathi to leave message they they had lemon ginger for Myra.

TV: Law & Order, saw before. Some Ally MacBeal.

 

Tuesday, July 27, 1999

(Larry out 4 a.m.)

Up 7:30. Watered lawn, pulled some of Ellie’s dandelions.

Talked to lady in back. She to be gone Aug. 7 -14.

Drug Emporium, got TV Guide, coffee. 

To “Notting Hill,” 7th. (Note the women and child on left.)

Ate at Wendy’s, had salad at home.

TV: News, Due South, old Law & Order.

To Live Oak. Three email messages from H, responded to Justine.

Bed 11:15.

 

Wednesday, July 28, 1999

Started on “Linen closet.”

Used heat lamp. (10 mins.)

Tired, need time out.

To Kmart, soup. 

Then to show, “The Haunting.” Over the top. Some intriguing preliminaries.

Home, letter from Mina.

TV: News, Lehrer, X-Files. Finished “Thin Man” tape.

Thought about transfer to girls.

Bed, crossword.

Thursday, July 29, 1999

Up 8:30, breakfast usual.

To show, “Notting Hill.” (8th!)

Stopped at Sewing Center. No market for C’s Singer. [Justine here: my mother had a beautiful old Singer sewing machine, the kind built into a table that it could drop into and create a flat surface when you weren’t using it. Pretty ingenius!]

Ate KFC.

To live Oak for email, messages from H, Justine and Carla.

Home, news. terrible shooting in Atlanta.

Friday, July 30, 1999

Up 7, usual breakfast.

To Nob Hill, got fruit.

Home 11. CNN News: Linda Tripp indicted.

Read papers, washed two pair of pants. Redid one more shelf.

To library, message from Justine, answered. 

TV: Due South, L/O, Farscape (SiFi)

Washed blouse.

Bed.

Saturday, July 31, 1999

Up 6:30, some chores.

Breakfast at Kmart. Got some TV dinners.

Home, worked on sewing machine. Cleaned, tried it.

Bought sound track of Notting Hill. Not too good.

Watched tennis, some TV. History, A&E (date drug rape). Pill made by British company.

Mail: Garbage bill/ Should have been much more?

Ironed some.

August entries.